Out of the Frying Pan
by Alathon
Summary: Is there anything worse than committing seppuku on account of a piglet? If so, Ranma is sure to find out, the hard way. R12 and A!MG crossover.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and various distributors; Ah! My Goddess belongs to Kosuke Fujishima and various distributors. No ownership is claimed or implied, and no money is being made from this work of fanfiction.

Ranma ½ continuity: manga, post-38  
A!MG continuity: TV, post-Fighting Wings

**Out of the Frying Pan**  
Chapter One

by Alathon

* * *

Ranma stared at the unvarnished wooden tray laying on the grass in front of him. On one side sat two onigiri, almost certainly made by Kasumi judging by the shape, and a small saucer filled with sake. That the sake remained untouched would have surprised few. The rice balls remaining uneaten, on the other hand, was most unusual. For one of the few times in recent memory, Ranma didn't have much of an appetite.

On the other side of the tray lay a sheet of paper, a brush, ink, and a gleaming short blade. As of yet, the paper remained blank.

_And if I had any say in it, it'd stay blank too! Oh man..._

With a sigh, he took his eyes from the tray. Judging by the light and the length of the shadows, it wouldn't be long now before sunset. Not long at all, and he still didn't have anything. Nothing good sprung to mind to serve as his eulogy.. epitaph.. whatever the traditional term for his death poem was.

_Not anything I should put down, anyways.. and I really oughta know what that poem's called._

Ranma fidgeted. His legs were more than a little sore from maintaining a single position so long, but Nodoka had been clear on her expectations, and he didn't want to fail her. Not when he only had one more chance to get things right, one more chance to make her proud of him. Even if that last chance wasn't exactly an opportunity he would have jumped at by choice.

He sighed again.

_Man was she pissed.. I guess she had a right ta be though. I knew it wasn't right and I just sat around and did nothin.. and if Mom was this pissed, imagine how angry Akane's gonna when she finds out. At least.. at least she'll put a stop to it for sure._

Of course, that didn't mean that he liked how things had turned out. In retrospect, Nodoka probably wasn't the best person to pick to ask for advice about that particular situation. But, he'd needed somebody who wasn't directly involved who actually gave a damn about doing the right thing, and there weren't too many people around who fit that bill And of the other people who might have given him good advice, well, most of them were tied up in the whole fiance mess, and involving them in anything always made it worse.

_Heh, good job on that one.. really great.. how's it gonna get any worse than this?_

_

* * *

_

Strolling down a top floor corridor of the Central Office, Mara looked every inch the class one unlimited Demon she was. Her outfit, composed of black leather, embroidered panels of fabric, and finely crafted jewelry was guaranteed to catch the eye, and meshed so well that with all its complexity it could not be described as gaudy. While she lacked the overflowing bust that so many demonesses sported, her carriage was more than sufficient to both convey her gender and imply sensuality. Despite her position, only yards and closing from the door to Daimakaicho Hild's office, her body language spoke nothing but confidence.

At least, that was what Mara hoped. She wasn't quite sure. While doing her best to put on a confident face, her stomach played host to more than a few butterflies. After all, she was only seconds from a meeting with the Boss, and for all that Mara stood high within the hierarchy of Hell, Hild was higher - at the top. Dealing with the Boss practically guaranteed that whatever purpose the meeting had was big, with no assurance that it would be very good, very bad, or plenty of both. And she never knew quite what sort of Boss she'd be dealing with.. she could go from a friendly equal, to a doting motherly figure, to the all-business Daimakaicho in a heartbeat.

Mara paused several yards short of the door and inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly.

_Get a grip on yourself, girl.. she may be the Boss, but you're the best Midgard agent working for Hell. We've even worked together before!_

The thought wasn't entirely comforting, as she hadn't been especially successful in those endeavors.

_Damn the Norns, and damn Keiichi too._

Mara took a moment to give herself a once-over, making sure every aspect of her outfit was as perfect as could be. She took another moment to arrange her hair, a third to take a quick look in a mirror.. and a fourth to realize with disgust that she was stalling.

The mirror vanished. Mara opened the door and strode into the office belonging to Hild's executive secretary.

The room could be summed up in one word: tasteful. Furniture, art, and carpet, all of it conservative but well executed. No harsh or clashing colors, lots of earth tones with pastels here and there. A beautifully carved mahogany desk complemented by an impeccably attired secretary. Mara strode up to the desk, moistened her lips, and -

"The Daimakaicho will see you immediately."

Well. It wasn't the first time, but it was still just a tad creepy how Hild's nameless secretary could be focused entirely on the paperwork in front of her, yet speak up the instant one tried to address her. Ever so slightly disgruntled at having been caught out yet again, Mara moved to the wood-and-crystal door on the far side of the room.

She stopped just in front of the door and tried to get a glimpse of what was beyond. As always, the complex etchings in the door made it impossible to garner more than a very general idea of the room it lead to. Which, Mara mused, was probably by design. Unwilling to show even the slightest hesitation in front of the secretary, Mara opened the door and stepped through, closing it behind her.

As soon as Mara turned from closing the door to face the back of the office, Hild looked up from the folder on her desk and addressed her.

"Hello, Mara. It's been too long.. how are you?"

"I'm doing fine.. quite well. You?"

"Just fine.. have a seat, please. So tell me, how fares my daughter?"

In the process of sitting down, Mara suppressed a wince. Urd was doing just fine.. in fact, regardless of her many brushes with Heaven's regulations, she was doing far better than Mara by any reasonable standard. And she could hardly say otherwise about the Boss's daughter.. hell, the question was pointless in the first place. Mara knew damned well that Hild kept an eye on Urd. But admitting just how well Urd's quest to get her sister and Keiichi together was proceeding would be a tacit admission that Mara's own rivalry with her onetime friend was proceeding poorly indeed. Which was probably why Hild asked the question in the first place.

Mara's hesitation did not go unnoticed. Hild's face hardened ever so slightly from the warm expression it wore during her greeting, into something closer to 'friendly professional'.

"You have been keeping an eye on the Norns as directed, have you not?"

"O-of course. Urd has been doing very well for herself. To my knowledge, she's managed to avoid any more grievous violations of Heaven's rules and regulations in the last couple months, and she seems to be content with the state of affairs in her household."

"Good, good.. now, as for why I wished to speak with you. You are being reassigned."

On hearing the last word, Mara could not hide her surprise, "W-what? Why?"

Hild just stared at her.

"I mean.. if you would be willing to confide your reasoning in me. I - we've invested a great deal of time and effort in my present assignment, after all."

"Yes, yes.. we have indeed. We have expended an atypical amount of resources, and I cannot say that I am content with the state of this project. I believe that much of what we have done in this particular case has been long-run counterproductive."

Mara winced visibly. She knew damned well that her failures on the case were many, and some of her few successes could arguably be chalked up as failures thanks to the problems they created. That Hild agreed with her own assessment did not bode well. She _liked _her current assignment, one with many possibilities for mischief, avenues to entertain herself at the expense of Belldandy, and a wide array of opportunities to engage her rival, Urd.

_Maybe this new job is just temp work, and I'll be back to business in no time? .. I hope.._

"We have invested a great deal. Unfortunately, such investments are sunk costs, and cannot be recovered. Now, as to your new assignment..." Hild paused to ensure she had Mara's complete attention.

"You are tasked with preserving the wellbeing of your new client, and bringing him around to our way of thinking."

Mara blinked. Those orders sounded almost contradictory, and at the very least not especially compatible.

Hild stood, and passed one of the many sheets of paper from her desk to Mara, who immediately began to skim it.

"Hm... executive summary.. Ranma Saotome.. human.. good health.. age 16.. Tendo household.. Tokyo, Nerima Ward.. no previous contracts.. no affiliation.. nice picture.."

As she read the single paragraph above the picture of a pigtailed boy, Mara's expression darkened. No contracts and no affiliation practically guaranteed no previous Heavenly involvement, which in turn meant the assignment would likely be a cakewalk. None of the information she'd been presented with suggested a need for a Demon of her caliber.. this was more along the lines of scut-work for some class three. It would be glorified babysitting.

Her thoughts were interrupted by soft chuckle from Hild. Looking up, Mara noticed with no small amount of relief that her expression was once again friendly, with a slight smile, if not a little.. cutesy.

"Sounds easy, doesn't it."

"Uh, well.. I'm not entirely sure how you intend your orders to be interpreted, but -"

"You are free to interpret them as you see fit, so long as both requirements are fulfilled."

Mara's response was a vague sounding "Okay...", while she tried to puzzle out the meaning of this assignment.

_As far as I can tell, he's a nobody.. no deals with Heaven for us to subvert, no divine ancestry or communion with a deity that could result in divine interference. He's cute, I'll give him that, but so are another hundred million of 'em. And I'm supposed to simultaneously protect him while instilling in him values which are not necessarily beneficial to his success or even survival._

It made no sense. It wasn't even simple scut-work. There was plenty of that and all of it had to be done for a reason, or resources wouldn't be wasted on it.

"There are a handful of difficulties you may face in handling this client. The most immediately relevant of these is that barring intervention, he will be dead in fifteen minutes."

As she processed the words, Mara snapped back to full attention, and Hild smirked ever so slightly.

"Given the time constraints you will be operating under, I've had a script and supporting materials prepared." With these words, Hild stood again and handed a thin manila folder across the desk to Mara.

Opening the folder immediately, she leafed through the contents: one short page of text labeled 'scenario script', three official looking documents, and some sort of transcript. On first glance, one of the documents appeared to be a lease, the second was all in fine print and not immediately identifiable; the third was rather curious, parchment rather than paper, done in a Gothic script in a reddish brown ink. Deciding that the scenario script was of the most immediate importance, Mara shuffled it to the front and began reading it in silence. Her silence didn't last for long.

"Um, Hild.. do you really think it'd be a good idea to operate in the open like this?"

"Yes, I think you'll find it will work quite well given the circumstances."

"Okay... hmmm... um... so what exactly are we going to claim he was sold for?"

"Your decision. Anything that can't be readily disproven is fine by me."

"Ahh..."

As she read through the short scenario, Mara's confusion solidified into something else: resignation. For this, the orders didn't have to make sense. She wasn't sure why Hild would choose to do things this way, but then, she'd never understood an awful lot of what the Daimakaicho did. At first, this assignment had seemed illogical, but now... Mara took a deep breath, and looked Hild squarely in the eyes.

"This is my punishment for screwing up the Morisato assignment, isn't it." There was no venom or sarcasm in her voice, but rather a flat and resigned tone. Regardless of how lame the situation was, Mara didn't think it'd be a good idea to further irritate the Daimakaicho. She had never demonstrated a great deal of tolerance for cheek.

Hild's expression remained the same, open and friendly, with a hint of a smile at her lips.

"Mara, you can consider the assignment whatever you like, as long as..."

"... as long as I what?"

"As long as you do it, and do it well. Oh, and Mara..."

"... yeah?"

"Fourteen."

Mara's eyes narrowed slightly as she tried to decipher the meaning of such an incongruous statement, then widened as she figured it out. Without a word, she grabbed the executive summary of "Ranma Saotome", shoved it in the folder with the rest of the Acme Company The-Jokes-On-You-Mara materials, and vanished with a slight 'pop'.

Finished with the interview, Hild's face took on speculative cast as she stared at nothing in particular. After a few moments, she leaned back, reclining the posh leather chair further than the laws of physics suggested it should go without tipping over. Now staring at the ceiling, eyes unfocused, she murmured something to herself.

"I wonder how this one will turn out?"

* * *

And so, evening in Nerima saw a new player enter the field. Mara exited a digital entertainment boutique some ten minutes walking distance from the Tendo compound. She hadn't taken long to decide on a destination. While she had the wherewithal to teleport directly into the target residence, Mara knew practically nothing about both her new client and the surrounding area. Further, she needed time. Time to research her new client, time to find out just how he was going to die so she could avert it. And most importantly, time to let the anger at this stupid, stupid assignment, the anger she couldn't risk displaying in front of Hild, simmer down to something less than insane rage.

_Deep breaths... deep breaths.. c'mon.. even with your limiters, you could sneeze and vaporize half a block being this pissed off. And that'd be such a terrible shame. A true, horrible tragedy for a strip mall to be rendered down into it's component atoms. Where would the old folks buy their milk? Where would the popular girls get their fashion magazine mandated accessories? The hookers would have to walk a whole half mile down that way to get their rubbers and cigarettes!_

As she contemplated the many possibilities that surrounded blowing a strip mall to Kingdom Come, Mara's anger lessened to a more normal degree of agitation... for a Demon that is. Banishing the pleasant fantasy she remembered her, heh, deadline, and decided that she probably ought to be making some headway on that matter real soon now.

A PDA was promptly produced from inside the left flap of her leather jacket, and a request fired off to Nidheg for a full file on one Ranma Saotome, male, 16 years of age, residing with the Tendo family. As seconds passed and nothing happened, Mara frowned, suppressing an urge to shake the damned newfangled device. Ten seconds passed and nothing changed, not even the spinning hourglass. Mara ground her teeth.

_I know I'm not on a high priority mission anymore.. it's reasonable to expect that I'll have less processor time allocated to me... but this is ridiculous! One single file, and it can't - _

The monologue was rudely interrupted by the impact of a heavy, hard-covered book on her head.

"Ow."

The book wasn't all that heavy, and being a combination of paper, cardboard, and cloth, wasn't all that hard either. Being a four dimensional object, it had hardly any potential to inflict true damage to Mara. It still smarted. Mara raised her eyes, to see who the hell was dropping books on her, just in time to catch a second volume square in the face.

"Oww, dammit!"

Correctly anticipating that more missiles were incoming, Mara lept backwards a good five feet and watched as four more Webster's Unabridged sized books hit the ground, or previous volumes, with a thud. She again scanned the sky for the perpetrator of this attack, and with only the clouds and a single duck visible gave up, muttering dire imprecations against whatever thoughtless jerk was dumping books on her. Getting back to business, she examined the PDA and was pleased to see her request for the Ranma Saotome file had been completed.. at which point she made the connection, walked over, and picked up one of the volumes.

_Figures. No format specified, so I get the default: hardcopy. No delivery method specified, so I get another default._

Wedging the book between her arm and side, Mara returned her attention to the PDA. After tapping a few buttons, she held it up in front of her and spoke.

"Note to self: deliver indescribable beatdown to the developer responsible for the default hardcopy delivery algorithm."

With that necessary step behind her, she pocketed the PDA and took a good look at the volume now held in both hands.

_Ranma Saotome, volume two. Apparently, of six.. what the hell? What kind of sixteen year old has this many relevant life events on file? Whatever. Now, let's see.._

In short order, five of the six volumes disappeared into an inside pocket of the jacket. Despite their size, no bulges or deformation of the jacket was evident. Mara held the remaining volume in her hands, and promptly skipped to the last several pages. Once again walking in the direction of the Tendo compound, she muttered now and then as she digested the file description of Ranma Saotome's death.

"Suicide pact.. both parents.. mother arbitrating it.. going through with it.. damn, what the fuck kind of sick shit is this? Heh! One big happy family they ain't."

_Damn.. I've seen worse, hell I've done worse.. still messed up. At least the scenario script makes a bit more sense now. If she had some kind of hold over him, forcing him into it, I could just drag him off. But if he's doing it willingly, I'll need an angle to diffuse the situation. As dumb as it is, this angle could do the trick._

The Ranma Saotome volume six went into the jacket along with the rest, and the manila folder came out.

_Better make sure everything is in order.. wouldn't want to ruin such a carefully orchestrated waste of my time. One demonic pact, deliverables as yet to be determined, check. One apartment lease, check. One court transcript, check. And.. hrm.. yeah, I guess this makes sense, if you expect a prolonged assignment. Which Hild obviously does._

With this thought fresh in her mind, Mara stopped and took a deep breath.. exhaled slowly.. took another deep breath.. exhaled slowly. This pattern continuing for the better part of a minute. When she finished, she took a moment to examine both herself and her attire, taking note of the flamboyant leather-and-cloth ensemble. With a somewhat happier expression on her face, she resumed the trek to the Tendo compound, 'volume six' once again held in front of her with the court transcript beneath it.

_If I'm gonna play a role in this farce, I'll damned well do it in style!_

_

* * *

_

Ranma shivered. Not from the temperature, which was moderate, but from a look at the shadows, which seemed to be stretching out across the lawn and now the koi pond as fast as they could manage.

_Is this really gonna be it.. no second chances or weirdness poppin' up to interfere? There was always somethin' happening to screw things up whenever things were goin' good. And now.._

It sure didn't feel like there would be a reprieve. His thoughts turned to the usual suspects, those most likely to blow any sort of occasion out of the water, and while a handful were unaccounted for, the odds didn't look good.

_Pops and the Tendos ain't doin squat. Kuno's been by and he just congratulated Mom on doin' the right thing to 'address the demands of honor'. Whatta jerk! Kodachi ain't been by, but I dunno if she could change nothin._

_I hope she finds out that Kuno knew and didn't tell her, that'd fix him good._

Ranma's thoughts were interrupted briefly by a pleasant fantasy of Kodachi whipping Tatewaki around, legs wrapped in business end of her ribbon, whanging his head against all manner of objects. It didn't last long, but it was enough to bring a smirk to his face for a moment, before he remembered what prompted the fantasy.

_Ucchan ain't been by, and I can't believe she'd stand aside unless she ain't found out. Her and Konatsu could raise a ruckus if they wanted to... but they shoulda been here by now if they were gonna. Ryoga ain't around, and thats for the best. Happosai's been outta town for days, an' who knows when he'll be around next? The Amazons have already been here and they ain't gonna do nothin'._

This thought brought a far less pleasant scene to mind, one that had taken place only hours ago. Cologne and Shampoo had arrived, having heard of his impending death, discussed the topic with Nodoka, and left, Cologne firmly keeping Shampoo in tow. The discussion had been too soft to hear, except for one phrase spoken by Cologne.

"It is her right, as both his mother and eldest woman of the household."

That one phrase had managed to carry, and it made their position abundantly clear. Ranma didn't think it was an accident that he heard. More likely it was Cologne's way of letting him know where they stood. It was a little irritating that like so many other issues with them, this one had been decided by gender, but it certainly wasn't anything new with the Amazons. And at least Cologne had the decency to give him a heads up.

_So.. if nobody is gonna do nothin'.. then I gotta do it. There's no other choice, is there. Just like everything else in my stupid life._

The thought brought a bitter scowl to Ranma's face, and as he considered the train of thought, the scowl became just a tad bit angry and he remonstrated himself for the lousy attitude.

_It's my obligation to fulfill, an' I shouldn't be a baby about it! An' it's what Mom wants.. she'll be happy with this.. she'll have ta be. At least this time I can do right by her._

The thought steadied his resolve, but brought little comfort. The sound of a door sliding open brought even less. Turning his head, he watched as Nodoka left the house, followed by Genma, who was in turn followed by Soun and the three Tendo daughters. Both his parents' faces were schooled to expressionlessness, and Ranma's heart sunk a little further as he saw their eyes. Genma's were scared, and Nodoka's were cold.

That Genma was scared was certainly no surprise. Nodoka had been quite clear that his turn would come at sunrise, and that his death was delayed only so that he could act as kaishaku for his son. This at least assured Ranma that his death would not be unnecessarily painful. For all his many, many faults, Genma could judge a blow to within the width of a hair.

Soun was next in line, his expression schooled to a stoic mask betrayed by his puffy, red-rimmed eyes. Ranma anticipated silence in the minutes to come, but had heard no lack of wailing as he kept vigil.

Kasumi was visibly scared, wringing her hands, eyes jerking from Ranma to his parents to the wooden tray on the ground. Akane was both scared and sorrowful, her eyes ever so slightly red-rimmed; she tried to maintain the proper stoic expression, and succeeded for the most part. Nabiki didn't bother; while her eyes were calculating, moving rapidly from detail to detail, her expression and carriage clearly denoted nausea and disgust.

"It's time."

The softly spoken words from Nodoka provoked a flinch from everybody other than herself. The Tendos and Nodoka moved to stand single file to his right, leaving the space to his left clear for.. what would come. Genma hesitated, eyes jumping all over the yard, trying to discover some way out of this disaster. Eventually they alighted on the tray, an item they'd previously been avoiding, and more specifically the blank paper. He pursed his lips for a moment, then spoke.

"Son.. the poem?"

"What? Oh yeah. Gimme a sec."

Ranma lifted the brush, dipped it in the inkwell, and held it over the inkwell for a moment, allowing an errant drop of dark ink to drip there, rather than over the paper. In these few seconds, a slew of thoughts rushed through his head.

_Now what'm I supposed to do? I ain't got nothin' to write, and I ain't got no time to come up with somethin.. crap.. I knew I shoulda figured this out first and worried about stuff after. Oh well.. I guess I'll hafta wing it. Hmm. So.. somethin' about my state of mind, or how things are goin.._

Unbidden, the one poem he had come up with sprung to mind.

_Nuh uh, no way I'm gonna write that out. It ain't pretty or elegant or nothin', and I don't wanna screw this up with Mom watching. Even if it's true, it ain't.._

Even as he tried to banish the improper poem from his mind, it remained, echoing almost as clearly as if it were read aloud. And it resonated.

_It ain't pretty, but neither was my life.. or my handwriting for that matter. And this is MY death poem.. why shouldn't I write what I wanna? I'm doin' everything else the way it oughta, so why shouldn't I at least get this part for me?_

Ranma set his jaw at that thought, the idea that he was once again doing what everybody else needed him to do grating on his mind. In an instant, a snap decision was made, and brush set to paper. With his arm trembling ever so slightly, Ranma's penmanship was even worse than usual, but in short order his poem was written, and the brush set aside. He watched as the ink lightened from a deep reflective sheen to a matte black as it sank into the paper and dried. The characters were poor even by his standards, but they were legible, and as far as he could tell he'd spelled everything correctly. All that was left now, was...

**BRRRRRRING**

This time, everybody flinched. Heads whipped around to face the house, but despite the startlingly sharp sound of the doorbell, indecision reigned. Seconds passed, and nobody made a move.

Regaining her composure, Nodoka opened her mouth to speak, and -

"I'll get it. It'll be just a moment. It'd be awfully rude to just ignore them, wouldn't it."

Nabiki nearly stumbled in her haste to get to the door, but made it without mishap. She had no clue who was there, but with any luck it'd be somebody who could interrupt up this whole stupid mess. Ranma wasn't exactly her favorite person in the world, but the idea of killing oneself over meaningless archaic values was more than just a little repulsive.

Without hesitation, she slid the door open.

* * *

_Hmm.. a cute little bundle of anger and disgust dressed up in a formal kimono.. looks like I've got the right place._

While the odds of the file being wrong were infinitesimal, it was still something of a relief to have confirmation. With the clock ticking, Mara could ill afford a screwup. Reminded once again of her schedule, she took the first steps of what looked to be an embarrassingly stupid dance.

"Hi, I'm Mara. This is the Tendo's, right?"

"Yes, I'm Nabiki Tendo. I'm sorry, I missed your surname, Mara ..."

"Genma Saotome lives here, doesn't he?"

Nabiki was unable to entirely hide her relief at these words, but managed to twist her mouth into a more typical smirk.

"Yeah, he does. I take it you have business with him?"

"Yup. I'm here concerning an agreement which he is in danger of failing to uphold. May I speak with him?"

"Sure, come on in."

As Mara stepped inside, Nabiki took a moment to give her a once-over, her eyes lingering for a moment on the odd facial markings, before motioning her towards the back. Falling in beside her, she spoke up again.

"You should probably know that this isn't the best time. Genma's in something of a bind over another agreement that he hasn't manage to fulfill. Still, I think him and Ranma won't object to putting off their current business for a short while."

With this, Mara chuckled, a throaty and ever-so-slightly menacing sound, before replying.

"Oh, I can imagine. In fact, I'll bet they wouldn't mind putting it off for the rest of their lives."

This comment earned a sharp glance from Nabiki, but before she could question Mara's apparent foreknowledge, they arrived in the back yard. All eyes immediately homed in on the obviously foreign woman wearing face paint and a bizarre leather getup. Nodoka was the first to speak, with both Soun and Akane chiming in.

"Hello, I am Nodoka Saotome. Who..."  
"Ah, hello.. welcome to the Tendo..."  
"Who're you?"

Mara glanced between them for a moment, before deciding on Nodoka as the highest authority among them.

"I'm Mara; nice to meet you."

Turning to the other middle-aged man, she addressed him.

"Genma Saotome. It's been a while."

Genma blinked at this, but responded immediately.

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe we've met before. Are you sure you have the right man? Perhaps you were thinking of... Kenma Saotome? Yes, surely that's it."

With this, Mara grew slightly worried. While she was certain she could get this job done quick and dirty, Hild had made her intentions clear: she wanted the script followed. And that could be a real pain in the butt if the families circled the wagons against a newcomer. Her worries vanished quickly however as she observed the various reactions to Genma's words.

_They don't believe him.. not even one of 'em. The youngest sister is pissed, the middle one is amused, and the elder is disappointed. Both adults are agitated, and the kid's rolling his eyes. At least that part went over well.. now, let's see how this goes._

"No, I'm quite certain that I'm looking for you, Genma. After all, we have an agreement. A contract, in fact, one concerning the boy kneeling before us. And here you are, trying to abrogate it!"

Soun and Akane's reactions were nearly immediate.

"Genma! How could you?"  
"Another one? Oooooooooh... GENMA!"

As Genma attempted to convince Soun that no such contract existed, Akane lept at him and with a tremendous shout punted him across the yard, off one of the large rocks, and into the koi pond. Nabiki finally lost control and broke down laughing, and Kasumi sent a reproachful look in her direction, which she missed entirely. Nodoka stared daggers at the koi pond.

Mara herself couldn't quite stifle a snicker at the undeserved and highly amusing violence, though she wondered a bit at the degree of strength the youngest Tendo demonstrated in propelling a man at least half again her weight at least fifteen feet. She also wondered if the elder Saotome was unconscious underwater, but that concern was replaced as a large panda waded out of the pond. She turned and addressed the Tendos.

"Is that panda actually Genma?"

"Growf!"

Signs indicating that he was in fact just a simple panda and NOT Genma Saotome went unread, as Mara was facing the wrong way. Kasumi answered the question while the rest considered Mara's obvious lack of surprise.

"Oh, yes. I'm afraid he suffers from a rather unusual curse. He turns into a panda with cold water, and returns to his human form with hot water."

"Ahh, good. That's easy enough to fix, then."

Mara gestured at the pond, lifting her index finger perhaps a centimeter, and up came a globe of muddy water roughly a meter in diameter. It paused at eye level, began to bubble, and with another finger motion sped across the yard to drench Genma, who immediately yelped and began shaking himself off."

"Youch! It needn't be _that _hot!"

The rest of the audience was more interested in the water trick.

"What was that?"  
"Hey, how'd ya do that?"  
"Interesting trick there."

Noting the first words from her new client, Mara directed her response to him.

"Easily."

Half a dozen different questions on the same topic were about to be asked, but Nodoka preempted them with a forceful statement of her own.

"We seem to be getting sidetracked; there are more important matters to be addressed. Specifically, any agreement Genma may or may not have made. I am sorry, but my son will not be able to marry you, as he must fulfill a prior obligation which prevents this."

Mara's response wasn't quite what anybody expected.

"Heh, marry him? No thanks. I'll admit he's cute and all, but that's not what I'm here for."

"If your agreement with Genma was not another engagement, what business do you have with Ranma?"

With this, Mara paused a moment to wet her lips before continuing.

"Ranma is Genma's eldest son, is he not?"

"Yes, he is our only son, but what does that -"

"Good. As per my contract with Genma, I'm here to take custody of him."

At that statement, the entire yard abruptly quieted. Shock was clearly written on every face in the yard other than Mara's; even Nabiki's eyes bulged just a bit at the bold proclamation. Despite her surprise, Nodoka was quick to respond.

"I'm sorry, but I must have misheard. I thought I heard you say that you were here to -"

"Take custody of Ranma, yes. As per my contract with Genma, I am owed his eldest son. As Genma was about to abrogate the terms of our contract by getting him killed, I have been forced to collect now rather than later."

Nabiki's eyes narrowed slightly as she considered the implications of the phrase 'eldest son'. Other peoples' reactions were less restrained.

"Genma! Did you really..."  
"Genma, how could you do such a..."  
"Is what she says true, Genma?"  
"Oh Genma, how could you?"  
"Whaddya mean you're collecting me?"

Again, Mara chose to direct her response towards Ranma rather than any of the others. While Akane, Soun, Nodoka, and Genma bickered, she approached Ranma and produced a manila folder. From the folder she withdrew a piece of parchment, at which point she recalled the lack of services listed. Strapped for time, Mara decided to do what came naturally and stick it to someone. She glanced at the parchment, willed it _just so_, and held it out to Ranma who hesitated slightly before taking it.

"It's all right there, go ahead and read it."

She watched with satisfaction as he read it, facial expression moving from irritation to anger, and finally to eyes-bugged-out shock. She wasn't the only one watching.

"What's it say, Saotome?"

"Wha? Oh.. um.. I ain't gonna say that! No way!"

"Then give me a look."

Nabiki promptly grabbed the parchment from his hand, and began reading it aloud, as Ranma cringed back from the bomb that was about to drop.

"This document being a contract detailing an exchange of goods for services between Genma Saotome and Mara. Genma Saotome shall render up unto Mara his first born son, in return for which Mara shall arrange for Genma to acquire an attractive and naturally red-headed wife who is traditional, gullible, an exceptional cook, and who gives great..."

Nabiki managed to halt herself before finishing the sentence, but the meaning was lost on nobody. Once again, silence reigned over the yard, until Nodoka broke it with words both cold and harsh in their annunciation.

"Lies. Despicable lies. You would take my son from me on the grounds of such filth?"

Mara, unmoved by her tone, was quick to respond.

"I don't need to 'take' anything. He was yours for nine months, but he's been mine since birth."

Genma attempted to speak up, but was silenced by a glare from Nodoka. Returning her attention to Mara, she spoke again.

"I will not accept or honor such a monstrous bargain. Leave this place and take your lies with you!"

Mara just barked a short laugh, and spoke.

"I don't see why you're so bent out of shape. You had nearly seventeen extra years with him, you should count yourself lucky that I've been disinclined to collect until now. It may be true that you pissed away ten of those years, but then... you don't really seem like the motherly type to me anyway."

Her finishing gibe was accentuated by a smirk coupled with a pointed glance at the blade at Ranma's feet.

Nodoka stood still for a moment, practically trembling in her fury. Then without a word, she stalked over to where Genma had let fall the Saotome honor blade and grabbed it up. Turning to face Mara, she responded, her voice full of wrath and rising to a shriek.

"Ranma is my son, _and you will not have him!_"

Nodoka drew her sword, held it high, and charged Mara, murder written plainly on her face. For all that her movements were painfully slow by Ranma or Genma's standards, neither a Tendo nor a Saotome halted her, so stunned were they by the proceedings.

_Good. Didn't know which one it would be.. glad it's this bitch. Time to make it clear how things stand around here._

To those watching, it seemed that Mara just stood there, smirking, waiting for the blow to fall. None had the capability to perceive the pishogue she suffused her flesh and clothing with. And then Nodoka was there, bringing the sword down in a right-to-left diagonal slash with all her might...

**CRRRAAAAAAACK!**

A thunderous report issued forth as the Saotome honor blade came into contact with Mara and shattered. The force of the blast ripped the hilt of the blade from Nodoka's hands and tumbled her on her ass. Several large pieces of jagged steel spun across the yard to embed themselves here and there, obsidian lightnings playing along the shards for a handful of seconds. The rest of the blade had exploded into molten droplets of metal, several of which managed to land themselves on Soun's arm.

As Soun shrieked and dove into the koi pond to put out his flaming sleeve, Mara buffed her nails on one of the cloth panels of her outfit and stared at Nodoka for a moment, before speaking.

"Oh my.. such a shame. I do hope that sword wasn't valuable."

Of all the bystanders, Nabiki was the least surprised by the pyrotechnics. Nodoka going berserk had caught her entirely off guard, but in retrospect it didn't seem that surprising; Nodoka was not, in her estimation, a particularly stable person. The explosion, though, had just served to reinforce an unpleasant conclusion.

Mara was capable of some kind of magic. Mara apparently considered a firstborn son legal tender. Supposedly this agreement had been made at least seventeen years ago, but Mara was by all appearances not yet past her twenties. And, apparently, Mara quite enjoyed provoking Nodoka to futile violence.

Nabiki licked her lips, paused for a moment to consider, and decided to go for broke. She had to do _something_, given that she was the only one in the household capable of putting two and two together. This certainly wasn't a situation she wanted to be involved in, the weirdness that Ranma seemed to attract was bad enough when it wasn't obviously dangerous, but it was too late to avoid now. Time for some damage control.

"Um, Mara.. if you don't mind me asking, what sort of being is willing to trade somebody a wife for an as-yet unborn son?"

_Finally, someone gets a clue. Just how many hints did I have to drop, anyways?_

Mara's response was no surprise to Nabiki, but quite enlightening to the rest of the household.

"A Demon, of course."

* * *

Ranma had watched, only commenting a handful of times, as the situation spiraled out of control in a fashion not dissimilar from a train wreck. As soon as the foreign stranger had appeared, he'd suspected yet another engagement. Just the thing he needed on the edge of death, another conflicting obligation that would probably get everybody pissed off at him.

Happily, they'd all got pissed off at Genma, which was just fine as far as Ranma was concerned.

The water manipulation had been so interesting he couldn't help but speak up. If only he could do that, the damned curse wouldn't be half as annoying. But no answers had been forthcoming, and the discussion had moved on.

He was surprised and a bit relieved when Mara indicated that she was not here to marry him. That relief was short-lived when she explained her true purpose. Ranma wasn't quite sure what custody meant, as he'd only ever heard it in conjunction with gossip about divorces and cops arresting people on TV. He was pretty sure it wasn't good though, judging by how everybody else reacted. Figuring out that she meant owning him was unpleasant, but nothing new.. everybody else pretty much felt that way already.

That contract had been a real gut-shot, practically knocking the wind out of him. He had no clue if it was for real or not, but knowing Pops, there pretty much had to be something fishy going on. And the sheer vulgarity of it... Ranma knew exactly what it meant, 'roshi and Dai had asked him often enough how good his various fiances were at it. Thinking of his parents doing that was just plain gross.

The confrontation between his mother and Mara had been terrifying in the same way that those dreams of Kuno in a furo were. Watching it happen, getting worse and worse, but unable to move and make it stop.

The relief he felt when the Saotome honor blade was destroyed was palpable. That damned sword represented everything that messed up his relationship with his mother, and for all that he knew he should mourn it's destruction, that feeling never came.

And then a question from Nabiki, and The Truth.

In what felt like a moment of clarity, Ranma realized that this was inevitable. There wasn't one part of his life that Genma hadn't managed to screw up somehow. His mother was his executioner, his best friend twisted into a fiance, his Art tainted by the c-c-c-that thing, his body cursed into it's opposite, and now he wasn't even going to be able to die cleanly. Oh no, that'd be too good for him. Pops just had to go and make sure that part would be ruined too.

_Go directly to Hell. Do not pass go. Do not collect 20,000 Yen._

A parody of a line in a board game wormed its way through his thoughts and stuck. For a moment, he could do nothing but repeat it. It just seemed to sum everything up.

The moment passed, and Ranma resolved then and there that _this time_, he wasn't gonna take it on the chin like every other time Genma sprung some new stupidity on him. He lurched to his feet, muscles protesting ill-use as he stood for the first time in hours, and faced Mara.

"Nuh-uh. No way. Ain't gonna do it. No way am I gonna go to Hell on account of something Pops did!"

She just stared at him.

"Well, I ain't!"

She snorted.

"Obviously. If you go to Hell, it'll be on the merit of your actions, certainly not as a result of your fathers."

"Uh.. don't demons live in Hell, though?"

"Of course not! Who'd want to live there?"

The direction of the conversation and the fact that Mara hadn't immediately asserted her right to drag him down to Hell confused Ranma a bit, but he figured that since things seemed to be going better than usual discussion-wise, he might as well push onward.

"So.. uh.. where _do _demons live?"

"In Niflheim."

"Okay, well, I ain't gonna go there neither!"

Mara just rolled her eyes and began to chuckle. A far nicer sort of chuckle than earlier, with a smile on her face.

"Ranma, Ranma, Ranma.. you're reading too much into this."

"Whaddya mean? You show up, say you own me because of some stupid deal with Pops, blow up the Saotome honor blade and admit to bein' a demon."

"Own you? Oh no, I thought I was quite clear that I was here to assume custody."

"Uh, what's the difference?"

Mara just shook her head. As he waited for her to explain what she meant, Ranma took a moment to take stock of the situation. Mom was still stunned, and Pops was holding her, trying to get her out of it. Soun continued to soak his arm in the pond. Kasumi looked overwhelmed by the whole situation, Akane looked a little glassy-eyed as well but was paying attention to the conversation, and Nabiki -

"The difference is that ownership would imply slavery or indentured servitude, whereas custody is a legal term describing responsibility. Typically either the responsibility of an officer to detain a criminal, or an adult to care for a minor. Hopefully the latter in your case."

"Uh.. so.. it's like bein' a parent without bein someone's mom or pops?"

"Sort of."

Emboldened by Mara's seemingly benign attitude despite the earlier confrontation, Nabiki decided it was time to go fishing.

"Why are you talking about custody anyways? Genma and Nodoka had it, last I checked."

"That's already been taken care of."

Out came the manila folder, and out of the folder came two items, a single page and a sheaf of pages stapled together. Mara gave Ranma a considering look, then turned and handed them to Nabiki, who immediately began reading the first page. Ranma watched her read, wanting to ask what the heck it was, but wisely managing to reign in his impatience. A minute later, Nabiki looked up.

"This is legitimate?"

"Absolutely."

"It's dated nearly two months ago. Why haven't we heard from Social Services?"

Mara shrugged.

"Bureaucracies are slow and prone to error. A case slipping through the cracks for a few weeks is hardly surprising."

"Mmm-hmmm.. nothing surprising about the complaints brought against his parents either, though I _am_ surprised they didn't show up to contest them. Even if they didn't know where to find Genma, they should have had no trouble getting a summons to Nodoka."

"Apparently they both chose not to show up for the hearings, repeatedly."

"And they weren't booked for it?"

"Perhaps the judge chose to focus on moving the case along rather than imposing penalties on obviously uncaring and negligent parents."

"Rrrright."

Mara shrugged again.

"If you have a problem with it, I'm sure our lawyers would be quite capable of helping you with it."

"Pick a fight with a bunch of demonic lawyers? No, I'd rather _not_."

By now, the back-and-forth had attracted the attention of everybody other than Nodoka, who was still out of it. At this pause, Soun and Genma both tried to get a word in edgewise, but Ranma beat them to it, addressing his question to Nabiki.

"So what's the deal?"

Nabiki smirked.

"One thousand yen, please."

"Gah! You know I ain't got any money on me in this getup.."

"Oh, all right. I'll put it on your tab, with a five percent transaction fee on top of course."

"Hey!"

"Do you want an explanation or not, Ranma?"

"Okay, okay.. "

"There are two angles that need to be considered here. First, the contract. While I consider the idea of honoring such contracts questionable, you've never hesitated to do so before, so I'll move forward on the assumption that you're willing to do so again. Mara claims that she arranged for Genma to get his wife in return for -"

"I did no such thing. I've never seen her before in my life!"

"- for his firstborn son, namely you Ranma. He denies it. Barring a third party with provable knowledge of the agreement or lack thereof, we're left with comparing the testimony of Genma and a self-avowed demon. Needless to say, it will be difficult to prove or disprove the validity of such an agreement."

Mara actually giggled at this statement.

"You wound me, truly you do!"

"Well, supposedly demons are masters of deception..."

"Flatterer."

Genma attempted to butt in again to protest his innocence, at which point Ranma stomped on his foot.

"Shut up Pops, this is important."

"How could you, striking an old man unawares! What a horrible fate it is to have a dishonorable son like -"

"Stuff it, Pops!"

As it so often did, the argument quickly degenerated into a sparring match, which soon worsened into 'hard' sparring. While both were well motivated to win, Ranma succeeded in maneuvering his father enough to get a clean shot off and pounded him with his Katchuu Tenshin Amaguriken. Genma kissed the large stone by the koi pond for the second time that hour, and a degree of peace returned to the yard.

Breathing only slightly more heavily than he was a minute ago, Ranma returned his attention to Nabiki.

"Uh, sorry 'bout that. Where'd we leave off?"

Unfazed by the now-familiar routine, Nabiki continued.

"The second angle which must be considered is the legal one. The position posited by Mara in these documents is that your parents have been stripped of the right to parent you, and custody has been granted to Mara. While some aspects of the situation are suspect, the core concept is not. By the state's standards, both of your parents have demonstrated gross incompetence in your upbringing, and granting custody to a third party is appropriate. Though I doubt they know that the third party is a demon..."

Mara smiled and replied.

"Typically, the state is uninterested in concepts such as Gods and Demons."

"And no doubt anyone trying to raise that issue in court would face stiff opposition, and likely a significant loss of credibility. Regardless, I cannot assess the validity of these documents without making inquiries, though unlike the contract we should be able to verify their accuracy."

_Geez, it's like listening to a teacher talkin' about that Pythagoras stuff._

"Uh, Nabiki.. whaddya mean? Like, the short version."

Nabiki glared at him for a moment, before she took a deep breath, exhaled, another deep breath, exhaled.. and took another moment to compose the words she thought would best serve her.

"I don't know about the contract, but the court ruling could very well be for real. Even without magic in play, a human could have arranged it, and it doesn't make sense to falsify something so readily testable. We'll never know for sure about the contract, and it'll take a while to find out about the court ruling. Functionally, the contract is backup for the court ruling. If the ruling checks out, you'll be legally obligated to recognize her authority as your guardian, a surrogate parent."

"Though I find it somewhat curious that a demon would care about our laws in the first place."

Mara looked slightly insulted by this.

"I'm not stupid. There's no reason not to use them to grant my position added weight."

At this point Ranma spoke up again.

"Yeah, but you still haven't told me the most important part. If we ain't goin' to Hell or that Nifful place, then where _do _you wanna drag me off to?"

"Oh, I've got an apartment a few blocks east of here."

**THUD**

The ground shook with the force of the facefaults.

"What? I've got the lease right here!"

Standing and rubbing his sore jaw, Ranma responded.

"Naw, that's not it.. never mind."

With a groan, Genma finally managed to peel himself off the rock, made his way over to where Nodoka was sitting. Still somewhat shaky, he returned to his ministrations, attempting to snap her out of shock. Ranma continued, now with far less fire in his voice.

"Still.. I dunno how that changes things."

His gaze, obviously focused on the blade near his feet, made which 'things' he meant quite clear. Nabiki shot him a rather disgusted look for bringing up something she'd rather hoped everybody would forget in the commotion, and was about to take him to task for it when Mara beat her to it.

"That moronic suicide pact foisted on you by your parents? You seriously intend to go through with it?"

Hearing this, Genma puffed up as much as he could manage and responded in his most serious, and unfortunately for him obviously fake, tone of voice.

"It is a matter of honor!"

"How do you figure? Neither you nor Nodoka ever had any right to enter Ranma into such a contract, he's been mine from birth. Further, such a contract would never stand up to the slightest legal scrutiny. Both legally and morally, there's no obligation."

"Hmph! What does a demon know of honor?"

_An' there he goes again with all that crap._

"Probly more'n you, old man."

"Oh, to think that my own flesh and blood would -"

"Cram it with nuts, Pops!"

Before they could get started on round two, Mara managed to get both their attentions.

"Ahem! Now.. aside from whether you are obligated to fulfill that suicide pact, there's something else you should consider: the consequences your actions will bring down on your mother."

"Huh? Whaddya mean by that?"  
"Now see here, that contract is -"

**CLONK**

An oversized mallet took Genma square on the head from behind, interrupting his interruption. His legs gave out and he fell square on his butt, blinking owlishly at the little birdies circling his head.

"Heh, thanks Akane!"

Akane, who had in turn been shocked and horrified by the events of the last few minutes, and even before them run ragged by anticipation, smiled and nodded to him, and attempted to hide the mallet behind her back in while looking demure.

While Akane was dealing with Genma, Nabiki picked up on just what Mara was referring to. Shooting Ranma another sharp look for having the poor sense to bring up that damned pledge, she decided to run with it.

"Mara has a point. You _do _know what'll happen to Nodoka after you and Genma kill yourselves, right, Ranma?"

"Uh..."

"Oh, that's quite alright, I'm just as uncertain as you are as to how it'd pan out. If it was only encouraging a minor to commit suicide, it might be negligent homicide. On the other hand, it was planned ten years in advance.. it might just be murder one. It'd depend an awful lot on how the judge assessed her intentions."

"Wait a sec, you mean -"

"Of course, this is ignoring the most likely outcome. Looking at the pledge and her willingness to carry it out on _her own son_, not to mention testimony concerning her obsession with 'manliness', odds are Nodoka would be declared incapable of standing trial by virtue of insanity. They'd toss her in the nuthouse and throw away the key. Might be worse than jail, all things considered."

"Hey, no way'm I lettin' nobody put Mom in a nuthouse!"

"Uh, Ranma.."

"Yeah?"

"You'd be dead, you doofus!"

"... oh yeah."

"So if you don't want Nodoka to be held responsible for your death, you'd best figure out a way to not kill yourself, eh?"

On the surface, Nabiki looked entirely confident and sincere. Internally, Nabiki was kicking herself for not pitching this argument hours ago. Never mind that she'd been focusing on finding a way out that would line her pockets... speaking of which.

"Oh, and Saotome, if you want me to investigate the legitimacy of Mara's custody claim, I'm going to need some cash up front to cover expenses. Fifteen thousand or so ought to do it."

"You know I ain't got that kinda money Nabiki!"

Nabiki just shrugged.

"You'd best find it then. I'll get started as soon as you come up with it. In the mean time, I suggest you make yourself scarce, before Nodoka coerces you into doing something she'll regret."

"Wait a sec, you think I should just up and - "

"Get while the getting's good? Damn straight I do. You can sort this mess out later; for now, just keep it from getting any worse."

Silent for some time now, Soun took this opportunity to butt in, now that the discussion had moved onto more familiar ground.

"But Ranma and Akane are to be married, to uphold our vow to unite the schools. They should be living together!"

Both Akane and Ranma began to protest, while Mara took a slightly different position.

"Daddy, how could you!"  
"Hey, who says I'm gonna get married!"  
"Ranma, you're engaged? And what's this vow?"

Soun winced back from Akane's outburst, Ranma winced as Akane shot him a hurt look, and Mara waited for an answer. Not getting one, she decided a little prompting was necessary.

"Well? What's the deal?"

Naturally, Soun jumped at the chance.

"Genma and I made a sacred pledge that our children would unite the schools. As Ranma and Akane are the heirs to the Saotome and Tendo Ryus, and such a perfect couple too, they are engaged to be married."

"So.. what's the problem?"

"Well.. it'd be best if they lived together, in preparation for their marriage of course."

"What's the rush? They won't even reach majority for a couple years."

"Well yes, but, with parental permission..."

"Which I will not grant. They're kids."

"But, but, the schools must be joined!"

"What's your problem? If they want to get married, I can't stop them, they'll just have to wait until they're old enough."

_Heh, that's a new one.. somebody actually stickin' up for me an' Akane._

Unsure just how to deal with the situation, Soun looked to his old friend for support. Sadly, Genma was still suffering under the effects of a mallet strike and had no aid to offer. Lacking backup, Soun wavered between exploding into a full-blown Demon Head Technique and insisting the schools be joined, and tearfully wailing that the schools would never be joined. While he hesitated, Mara went on the offensive.

"Why not let the future take care of itself and worry about the present. If the heir to the Saotome School dies today, there'll be no joining of the schools for sure."

"Well.. yes, but -"

"Perhaps you should take steps to ensure his survival. Such as finding out whether his nutcase of a mother still has custody of him."

While Ranma growled at the insult, Soun looked to Nabiki, who promptly held out her hand.

"Fifteen thousand."

Kasumi entered the conversation for the first time in minutes, her voice clearly disapproving.

"Now Nabiki, what have I told you about bilking your father?"

"Um.. that it's both fun and profitable?"

"Nabiki!"

"Relax, Sis, I'm just kidding. Besides, I really do need some money to cover expenses. I'll need to pay for copies of several court transcripts, and might just need to grease a wheel or three. So Daddy, you do want to make sure that Ranma will live to uphold the pledge, right?"

Kasumi sighed and shook her head as Soun immediately produced a wallet and forked over three five thousand yen notes. Unnoticed at first, Ranma walked over to where he had knelt in vigil, and stared down at the wooden tray holding his death poem and a tanto.

_Now what'm I gonna do? I don't wanna let mom down, but I can't just let her go to jail cuz of me neither. I don't wanna run off with some demon chick, but Nabiki's right about one thing.. when Mom comes to, there's gonna be hell to pay. I really ain't wanna be around for that scene._

Absentmindedly, Ranma bent forward to grab one of the rice balls and stuffed it in his mouth. As he chewed, he pondered.

_And.. what if I actually ain't supposed to have to kill myself? Not that it's likely, I mean, Pops wouldn't really sell me to a demon. ... Would he?_

He couldn't really be sure on that one. It wouldn't be the first massively stupid thing Genma had inflicted on him. With a gulp, the riceball went down his throat.

_And I don't wanna die if I don't gotta! Maybe we can work things out, find some way to smooth things over.. maybe even get Mom to give up that stupid pact. I mean, if it wasn't for real in the first place, she wouldn't have ta hold me to it, would she? And I know she doesn't really wanna if she doesn't have ta, it's just that it's a matter of honor and she can't just go and ignore it._

_Still.. runnin' off with a demoness ain't the way I'd wanna do things. Who knows what kinda trouble that'll start. Though I dunno if she's even really a demon. I didn't feel nothin' when she did that water trick, or when she blew up the sword, and she doesn't have any aura that I can sense. My eyes an' ears say she's there but I don't feel nothin'. But that doesn't prove anything, she could just be really good at shielding it, like Tofu an' the old ghoul._

As he bent over to take the other rice ball, Ranma couldn't help but stare at the death poem and tanto. There was a kind of symbolism to them, though he didn't use that word but rather felt that they meant something important. The tanto represented one choice, the final choice, while the poem represented the other choice.. more of the same crazy shit going down as it always did.

Having unconsciously gulped down most of the rice ball, Ranma finished the remaining bit and knelt again. Without hesitation, he picked up the dish of sake, drained it, and replaced it on the tray. The alcoholic flavor, something Ranma was entirely unused to, seemed harsh to him. As he swallowed again, trying to get the taste from his mouth, he picked up one last item and, lacking pockets, slid it inside one of his socks.

Ranma stood, turned, and found every conscious member of the household facing him in silence. It was just a tad bit unnerving.

"...what?"

"So which is it gonna be, Saotome?

"Whaddya mean, Nabiki? Oh.. yeah.. which..."

Looking apologetic, he faced Akane and continued.

"Um, well.. there ain't really much of a choice to make, is there? I'll, uh, seeya at school Akane. An' you too Nabiki."

Audible sighs of relief filled the room.

"What? You thought I was gonna go and get my Mom thrown in the slammer or worse? No way!"

Nabiki looked a little cross at that particular comment; Akane and Kasumi just looked relieved. Soun looked decidedly unhappy but remained silent. Having said his piece, Ranma entered the house and made his way to the front door, Mara immediately behind him and the Tendo family following. He opened the door, and motioned Mara towards it.

"Lead the way, I ain't know where we're goin."

Mara left the house, and Ranma followed, pausing as he crossed the threshold to turn and face Akane.

"Um.. sorry 'bout this."

With that, he closed the door.

* * *

Nearly a minute passed in the Tendo household without comment. The first to act was Nabiki, who scuttled over to a window and looked outside, before pumping her fist and giving a great whoop of victory.

"Yes! Score one for the Beakster."

Akane looked betrayed, and stormed up to Nabiki to take her to task for the callous display.

"Nabiki, how could you! How could you!"

"Geez Sis, take it easy. I thought things went pretty well, all things considered."

"How can you say that? Ranma's been dragged off by some foreign woman, Nodoka is still lying out in the back yard, and the Saotome honor blade is shattered!"

"Like I said, things went pretty well, all things considered."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that half an hour ago we were guests at a suicide party with a demon gatecrashing, and we got out of it with no fatalities, no property damage, and no other weird shit happening to us. Hell, you didn't even get kidnapped!"

Akane didn't like that last bit at all, regardless of how close to the mark it struck.

"Hmph. As if I would. And why were you so worried about this so-called demoness? All she did were a couple of tricks, no real fighting. I could take her!"

"Oh, for the love of.. never mind. Akane, let's just suppose Mara was a two-trick pony, capable of moving water around and busting swords. And lets suppose she decided to move one of those globes of water over your head and hold it there. Just how long can you hold your breath, Sis?"

"That's not the point, Nabiki. I'd.. I'd.."

"Drown? I'm told it's most unpleasant."

"Aggh! That still doesn't prove that she's a demon."

"What does it matter? Suppose she's some psychic, or a sorceress, or a cyborg, or who-knows-what who just calls herself a demon. What matters is that she has power and is willing to use it. Further, suppose she's not a demon, but calls herself that. What's that say about how she views herself, and what standards she holds herself to? I don't know about you, but I don't like having people with power and little in the way of scruples under the same roof."

"You mean other than yourself!"

"Of course."

"Hmmph. Okay, so she's gone, but she took Ranma with her!"

"Ranma's a big boy, he can take care of himself. And if he's keeping Mara interested in something other than us, that's just fine by me."

Glaring, Akane turned and stomped her way out to the Dojo. Soon enough, the cracking and tinkling death cries of cinderblocks filled the evening.

Nabiki caught her breath, irritated at herself for getting so involved in the argument, but hopeful that Akane had gotten the point. Perhaps just this once she'd pass up an opportunity to get herself in over her head. She decided to head out to the yard and see what shape it, and its tenants, were in.

_Pretty well indeed.. no deaths or serious injuries, no massive collateral damage, Ranma got kidnapped instead of Akane for once.._

Lost in thought, Nabiki almost cut herself on a steel shard embedded in the frame of the back door. Noticing it, she took a moment to catalog the various visible pieces of the shattered honor blade, and a smirk made its way to her face.

_And nothing of value was lost!_

_

* * *

_

Author's note: This is my first work of fanfiction, so I'd deeply appreciate any feedback readers have to offer. If something is good, or something sucks, please tell me why!

In the next chapter, Ranma has a typically crummy day at school, Mara gets to know the locals, and just what got Nodoka so bent out of shape comes to light.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and various distributors; Ah! My Goddess belongs to Kosuke Fujishima and various distributors. No ownership is claimed or implied, and no money is being made from this work of fan fiction.

Ranma 1/2 continuity: manga, post-38  
A!MG continuity: manga...ish.

**Out of the Frying Pan**  
Chapter Two  
by Alathon

--------------------------

As he walked down the street beside Mara, with her slightly ahead, Ranma couldn't help but feel just a little bit disquieted. The sun had set not long ago, and the sky was bright enough that even without street lamps there would have been more than sufficient light to navigate. Overhead, only a few puffy clouds were visible in the evening sky, and a soft breeze blew pleasantly cool air against his skin. People were still out, some of them children at play, many other adults out strolling to enjoy the evening. A nice day all around.

Only half an hour ago, he'd been moments from committing seppuku.

_I still can't believe I was that close ta doin' it. I mean, I'm glad things turned out like this, but still.. couldn't it be somethin' less than a last second save, just once? One of these days I'm gonna get in some fix, and whoever's supposed ta bail me out is gonna get stuck at a red light or somethin', and I'll be totally boned._

The thought was unpleasant on more than one count. Ranma didn't think much of the idea of needing people to bail him out, regardless of how often a bit of timely assistance had factored into his victories. He also didn't like applying the word 'boned' to himself; it brought to mind locker room conversations he'd just as soon forget.

_Heh.. I wonder if Akane feels like this when I hafta rescue her an' cut it close?_

Trying to see things from other people's points of view was not a new concept to Ranma. It was, however, not something he'd managed to succeed at much outside of purely physical confrontations. More than once when he'd questioned just how he was responsible for something that pissed off one of his fiancees, the answer he was given was that he should look at it from their perspective, so he was at least trying to puzzle out how this worked. It certainly hadn't saved him from getting thumped by Akane yet, but he figured that was just because his mouth was so much faster than his mind, what with how much more practice it got.

_Hmm.. other peoples' points of view.. I wonder what Mara's thinkin' about?_

A quick sideways glance revealed little. With her in the lead, he couldn't get a look at her face, and was unable to discern what sort of expression it wore. Her stride was neither purposeful or laid back, being somewhere in between, while her arms swung lightly at her sides. Lacking any useful information, Ranma's attention turned to her clothing.

_Definitely ain't the sorta getup I usually see around here. Though it ain't the weirdest I've seen neither.. I think the Musk still got dibs on that. Or maybe Tsubasa.. though I dunno if he counts, most o' those are disguises, not like, wearin' clothes._

**splut**

Turns out some those kids were having a water fight. And sure enough, an errant water balloon made it's way directly to the side of his head. Ranma turned her head to eyeball his assailant and make sure it wasn't Mousse, and was relieved to see a young boy of perhaps nine or ten years approaching.

"Um.. uh.. sorry mister."

_Dammit.. he don't sound very sorry.. looks like he's about to break out in giggles. And what's.. oh, I guess that's his friends over there crackin' up. Bet it was a dare or somethin'.. stupid curse._

Unfortunately, there wasn't much Ranma could do. Despite the number of times she'd been 'accidentally' splashed, she rarely sensed such attacks. She wasn't entirely sure why, her best guess being that it was because there was no real intent to do harm. And she wasn't about to beat up a little kid for throwing a water balloon at her, no matter how irritating such semi-regular occurrences were.

"Yeah, yeah.. whatever."

She waved off the kid, who promptly ran back to his friends. Soon they were huddled up a couple yards back and breaking out in a fresh round of laughter. Looking away from the kids, she noticed Mara taking a good long look at her. A couple moments passed, and she continued scoping him out. A little irked by the looks, Ranma spoke up.

"What?"

"Nice rack."

"Gah!"

Unsurprisingly, Ranma's robe had come open enough to grant a generous display of her 'talent'. She took a moment to adjust it; while her current set of clothes wasn't particularly well tailored to the female body, slender shoulders allowed for sufficient fabric to cover the newly revealed protrusions. Having covered herself, she faced Mara.

"Hmmph.. took a pretty good look, didn't ya?"

Mara shrugged, then smirked.

"What can I say. I liked what I saw."

"H-hey now.. I thought you said you weren't gonna marry me or nothin'?"

"Who said anything about marriage, that's just a formality. I'm talking about the good stuff..."

Between licking her lips, half-lidded eyes, throaty voice, and a suggestive pose, Mara left little doubt as to what sort of 'stuff' she was talking about. Ranma immediately flinched back, eyes closed and hands waving in front of him in a desperate attempt to ward off the glomp and or beating he knew was coming. Mara just stood there watching, a couple seconds later abandoning the pose and putting her hands on her hips, waiting.

After several more seconds passed, Ranma cracked one eye open. Recognizing that there was neither female affection nor righteous vengeance pending, he abandoned his defensive posture and tried to blow the whole thing off, one hand scratching the back of his head.

"A-heh heh heh... heh..."

"Geez, what a prude. Whatever.. c'mon, we're almost there."

Mara turned and continued on, and Ranma followed after a moments hesitation. They were already three blocks from the Tendo household, and moving out of the most residential section of the Nerima ward into a somewhat more commercial area. Corners held gas stations, convenience stores, and suchlike, and while there were still houses, much of the residential area was composed instead of moderately sized apartment buildings. A minute later, after a long look at the address and Mara stopped in front of one, .

"Looks like this is the place..."

"Um.. aren't you sure? Ain't this your apartment?"

"Well, yeah, but I haven't moved in yet."

"Oh."

Ranma took a moment to examine the building as they entered. It wasn't anything special as far as she was concerned, five stories tall and unimposing in design. She just barely caught the sign before passing under it.

"I don't see no Cedars around here..."

"I'd be surprised if you did. Nonetheless, such names are traditional.

"I guess."

The lobby wasn't anything special either, a somewhat cramped room with an office adjoining, doors to hallways on the left and right, and several rather worn armchairs seated around a table. Mara made for the office, pausing only a moment to grant some advice before continuing.

"You might as well take a seat and find something to read, this will probably take a few."

Ranma wandered over to the chairs. None of them possessed any outstanding properties, so she plopped down on the nearest one. With nothing better to do, she sorted through the magazines that covered the nearby table.

_Sports.. news.. mechanics.. news.. celebrities.. finance.. celebrities... crap!_

Rifling through the magazines, Ranma brought one to light that was obviously pornographic. After furtive glances to the left and right, she shoved it under the rest and desperately hoped nobody had noticed. She knew damned well what would happen to her if he was caught with anything vaguely sexual in her possession, much less something so overtly perverted.

Thankfully, the expected mallet strike never came. Ranma chalked it up to good karma for getting through the whole seppuku episode without pissing off Akane.

_Phew.. that was a close one. I dunno if this Mara chick would take things the way Akane usually did, but I don't wanna chance it, no way! Though I suppose that'd be kinda weird, what with.. well.._

The open manner in which Mara had eyed her breasts came to mind. While she wasn't quite sure what constituted perversion on the part of a girl, she was pretty sure that if Mara was a guy, that would definitely have been perverted. Reminded of the way her assets had popped out only a few minutes ago, Ranma took this opportunity to pull her robe just a little bit tighter and make sure it granted sufficient coverage.

"Yo, kid, over this way. I got the keys."

Lifting her head, Ranma spied Mara making for the hallway to the left, and he stood and followed. Looking around a bit, Mara found a staircase and made her way to the third floor, Ranma in tow. Another minute or so of exploration discovered their new abode, apartment three eleven. With a twist of the wrist, Mara unlocked and opened the door, and they stepped in.

When Mara flicked on the light switch, they were not impressed.

"Kinda small.. you sure this is fer two people?"

"... I suppose."

As they wandered around a bit, the simple layout of the apartment was learned. The door of the apartment opened into a tiny entranceway with a closet on the left. Directly across from the entryway was the bathroom. To the right was the common area and a kitchen with a thin counter separating them; to the left, a bedroom which looked to fit a single full mattress at best.

On the plus side, the hot water worked. On the minus side, that was pretty much the only plus. If the entire apartment exceeded four hundred square feet, Ranma would have been very surprised.

_Man is this gonna suck.. no dojo, no back yard or koi pond, all wedged together like a tin of sardines. And where'm I supposed to sleep?_

Judging by her expression, Mara held a similar opinion of their domicile. She was not, however, inclined to accept the situation.

"Fuck this. Ranma, stand still and keep quiet. This will just take a moment to fix."

"Whaddya mean it'll --"

"Shhh."

A little peeved but as yet unwilling to pick a fight with his demonic guardian, Ranma stood still and held his tongue, and watched as Mara broke out in song.

**"Time and space, my will you'll heed!**

**Grant me now the space I need.**

**Though fitted to the outside world,**

**its limits shall this room exceed."**

Ranma was entirely unprepared for what followed. It started out subtly at first, the floor shifting under his feet. Mindful of Mara's instructions he held his ground but took a good look around; it didn't quite feel like an earthquake, but _something _ was happening. A moment later, just what became obvious: the walls were receding. For one terrifying moment Ranma thought he was shrinking down to a little kid again, before a look at herself and a comparison to Mara proved otherwise.

The walls continued to move away in all directions, the furthest walls moving more quickly than the nearby hallway wall which seemed to be moving only inches. After a few seconds, they stopped. Ranma sighed in relief, and Mara huffed out a breath before leaning against a wall.

"Phew.. that definitely took it out of me. Worth it, though."

"Uh.. what happened?"

Mara stared at him until he recognized how silly the question was.

"You, uh.. sung at the room and made it bigger?"

"It's a good bit more complicated than that. But yes, in short, I sung at the room and made it bigger. I'm certainly not going to put up with living in what amounts to an undersized motel room."

With this, Mara levered herself off the wall and moved around the apartment examining it, with Ranma following suit several moments later. A little looking around determined that the expansion had not been perfectly even, but rather engineered to match the features of the room.

The hallway was perhaps a foot wider, and somewhat longer on the right leading to the living room. The bedroom was roughly doubled in size, and the living area closer to tripled due to its lengthwise extension. Where the kitchen had been cramped it was now spacious, and the counters had all widened significantly. The ceiling was the least changed, but still a couple feet higher than it had been.

_Whoa.. now that's some serious magic right here. And it's actually doin' somethin' useful too, instead of screwing with me or blowin' something up. I bet the neighbors are gonna be kinda pissed about their apartments bein' squished though.. hope I don't get blamed for that._

Having wandered around for a couple minutes, both eventually made their way to the common room. Mara cleared her throat to get Ranma's attention before beginning.

"I'll take care of the TV, stereo, furniture, and the rest of the stuff in a bit. Now, first off.."

Mara rifled around the inside of her jacket, eventually producing a wad of money which she tossed to Ranma. He immediately began thumbing through it.

"Here's this weeks grocery money. Buy whatever you plan to eat. If you think I'm gonna be working the kitchen, you're gonna be sorely disappointed, so get stuff you know how to prepare."

"Um.. okay. Ya know there's like twenty thousand yen here, right? I mean, I eat a lot, but I probably don't need this much."

Mara shrugged.

"Buy extra, or pick up some lobster or some such. Not my problem. Oh, and keep a few thousand for yourself."

"Why? What for?"

"Your allowance. Better than having you bugging me for shit all week."

Ranma blinked at that. While he was vaguely familiar with the concept, he couldn't remember the last time money had moved in that particular direction between him and a parent. Not without an ulterior motive, anyway.

"So.. um, what'm I supposed to do with it?"

"Save it. Spend it. Flush it down the toilet, or blow it on wine and women. Hell if I care, it's yours. Oh, and speaking of wine and women, I should probably lay down some house rules."

"Oh man.. you mean like a curfew or somethin'? It ain't my fault if I miss it, now and then I get knocked out and left for dead, paralyzed by drugs, malleted across the ward, or other stuff like that."

Mara snickered at the last one and Ranma narrowed his eyes a bit, but before he could continue, she caught her breath and responded.

"A curfew? Screw that. I'm talking about important stuff. First off, there will be absolutely no seventies music played in this apartment. I don't care if it's out loud or inside headphones, I don't want to hear it. Musically, that decade is dead to me."

_Whatever._

"Second, when you throw parties, no light beers will be tolerated."

_What?_

"Third, we're sharing a bedroom, so please have the decency to _not _bring your girls home. You have an allowance, and love motels are pretty reasonable by the hour. Use them."

_Wait a sec.._

"Fourth, I have dibs on the remote control. If you've got shows you don't want to miss we can work things out, but I'm not gonna waste time fighting over the remote, and I will defend it with brutal violence if necessary. Am I clear?"

_Like that matters.._

"Fifth.. well, I can't think of a fifth. You gonna be good with all these?"

"Well, sure, but I don't think they really matter much. I don't watch much TV or listen to music or throw parties, and I sure as heck ain't takin' any of my fiancees to no love motels!"

"Why not?"

"Er, why not which?"

"Why aren't you taking your fiancees to love motels? Were the Tendos cool with that much nighttime action?"

"Hell no, I didn't do nothin!"

"What do you mean.. oh wait, you mean you aren't bedding them. Not even one?"

"Of course not! I ain't like that."

"Like what? Oh, I get it..."

By now Ranma was totally flustered and started to edge away, hoping to escape the conversation. Mara was having none of that.

"So.. if you don't watch much TV, listen to much music, and aren't into partying or girls, what exactly _do_ you do with your time?"

Visibly relieved to be back on safer ground, Ranma replied promptly.

"Well, I mostly train, really. Or study sometimes, but that don't last very long before Akane kicks me out the window. Or answer challenges, that happens a lot too."

"Wow, sounds like loads of fun."

"Hey! It's mostly what I like.. 'cept for the school stuff, really."

Mara shrugged.

"Whatever floats your boat. You should probably go get those groceries if you want something to eat tonight. Or breakfast tomorrow, for that matter."

"Oh, yeah. Gonna do that I guess."

Ranma moved to the windows at the far end of the common area and fiddled with one for a moment. Soon enough he had it open, and hopped out.

--------------------------

"Ooof."

Mara flopped onto the couch with no regard whatsoever for proper posture or ladylike decorum. For a couple minutes she lay there, sprawled out on the overstuffed leather cushioning, glad to have something to sprawl on.

_That better be everything, because I think that's about all I'm good for today._

Becoming increasingly aware of the way her legs were hanging halfway off the couch, Mara swung herself all the way up, stretched out, and snuggled up against one of the large and blessedly soft arms of the couch. For a few moments she considered just staying there, maybe even taking a nap, before deciding to get the inventory over with.

_No.. time enough for rest in the grave. Or whatever. Let's make sure I'm done with this._

Mara heaved herself up off the couch and spent several minutes moving through the house and checking to make sure no particularly important items were missing.

_Pots and pans, check. Assorted kitchen utensils, check. Flatware and cups, check. Microwave, rice cooker, and deep fryer, check. Drapes, check. Carpet that doesn't suck, check. Couch and coffee table, check. Home entertainment system, check. CD, VHS, and video disk collection, check. Toiletries, check. Dresser and wardrobe, check. Coffin, check. Hard Throb (tm) Sexual Device, check. Futon, check. Bedside table and lamp, check._

Having finished with the bedroom, a thought occurred to Mara, and she moved to the bathroom and took a look at the mirror. It was divided vertically into three pieces, each of which folded back to allow access to a shallow cabinet. She made a fist and gauged how hard she'd have to hit them to break them without compromising the cabinet, before shaking her head slightly and letting her hand drop to her side.

_No point, really. I'm sure as hell not gonna bust the TV and the toilet too. And it wouldn't be like them to come looking for trouble, it's been able to find them just fine..._

"Heh heh heh..."

The pleasant moment was short-lived, as Mara's concerns over the transport mediums of the Norns served to remind her of her present situation. Off the best and most interesting case in Midgaard, and on an assignment that hardly rated a Class Three. Her, Mara, put out to pasture!

_Gods' damned Norns!_

Still.. it wasn't as bad as it could be. It certainly wasn't as bad as she thought it was at first, a stupid and embarrassing joke of a job designed with no intent to succeed, created entirely to rub her nose in her demotion. No, there was some meat to this one. Having scarfed up much of the Ranma Saotome volume six on the way to 'first contact', Mara was at least convinced that Ranma was worth some Demon's time, though certainly not hers.

_Seems like he's a real throwback, a no-shit warrior hero. Haven't seen one in what, decades? Not much call for heroes these days, and certainly not the old warrior types. Heroism may yet live, but it just doesn't have the sort of impact it used to, especially when it comes to modern warfare._

Having made her way back to the couch as she mulled over the idea, Mara seated herself and reached around the side of the couch and pulled a lever, allowing a third of the couch to recline. She leaned back with it and sighed comfortably as she stretched.

_No surprise that Hild wants to get our claws into him at the very least, and swing him our way if we can manage it. On the principle of the matter if for no other reason.. and he might be worth more than that. Any human who can take down a Phoenix in single combat is worth noticing.. though what sort of role he can play in today's world, I don't know. Some sort of ace assassin, maybe? Who knows. Being able to punch through the armor of a tank won't do him much good if he isn't bulletproof, fireproof, and immune to whatever chemical agents are in style._

**thunk**

Mara's thoughts were rudely interrupted by the impact of a paper grocery bag packed with assorted dry goods on the carpet. As she turned to face the disturbance, another came through the window and landed next to it.. then another.. and another.

_He isn't.. well.. I guess he is. Good thing I left the drapes open, would have been a shame to have to re-hang them ten minutes after conjuring them._

The grocery bags continued to come through the window, landing in remarkably neat order. None of them tipped over, and none of them landed on another. Seven more bags later, Ranma appeared, with half a dozen bags balanced precariously on his shoulders and arms. It took a fair bit of acrobatics to make it through the window without spilling the bags, but he managed it readily enough, and set them down with the rest. All in all, seventeen bags of assorted foodstuffs now decorated the living room floor. Ranma was mildly surprised by the rest of the contents of the apartment.

"Guess ya weren't kiddin when ya said ya were gonna handle the rest of the stuff."

Mara shrugged.

"What can I say? I like my creature comforts. Check out the kitchen while you put that stuff away and tell me if I missed anything important, will you?"

"Sure."

Mara watched approvingly as Ranma shuttled the various groceries to the kitchen and put them away. She'd half expected a mix of Doritos, Pocky, and other such junk; Ranma had stuck to the basics. Lots of rice, noodles, canned and frozen veggies, and a fair selection of beef and poultry which made its way into the freezer.

She definitely approved of his ass, having an excellent view as he bent over to pick up the grocery bags several feet away.

_Mmm.. not bad, not bad at all. Having a little beefcake around the house never hurts. Pity he's playing for the other team.. wonder if Hild knew? Would be just like her to shack me up with an off-limits cutie._

Having finished in the kitchen, Ranma made his way to the living room and flopped heavily onto the couch. After a few moments of wiggling around to get a feel for the new piece of furniture, he turned and addressed Mara.

"Well.. I'm pretty sure nothing is missing that I need. I know there's some stuff in Kasumi's kitchen that ain't here, but they're things I don't know how to use anyway."

"Oh, like what?"

"Well, there's this double pot thingy, where one of the pots fits onto the other.. I guess it's for cookin two dishes at once or somethin."

"That's a double-boiler. You put water in the bottom pan and boil it to cook the food in the top pan. It's used primarily for recipes which respond poorly to the higher heat a stove typically provides, or which require a slow increase in temperature."

Ranma was nonplussed by the dictionary style answer.

"Oh."

In the silence that followed, Mara grew uncomfortable and determined to keep the conversation going, but was at something of a loss as to what they could talk about.

"So..."

"So.."

Lacking any better ideas, she decided to start with the only experience she knew for sure they had in common.

"So.. what set your mom off?"

Ranma bit his lip and thought it over for a moment, before responding.

"I.. dunno if I should really, ya know, discuss..."

He trailed off, unsure of what to say. Fairly certain of what he meant, Mara replied in as comforting a tone as she could manage.

"Was it coming out of the closet?"

"Huh?"

_Oh, hmm.. maybe that term hasn't made it into common usage here._

"Well, I mean.. telling her about your sexual orientation."

Ranma looked even more puzzled.

"Whaddya mean, sexual orientation?"

_What is this, an act? It's one thing to be clueless, but seriously.._

A little peeved at the obviously obtuse nature of Ranma's responses, Mara's tone grew a tad sharp.

"What I meant to say is, did your mother ask you to kill yourself after you told her you're gay?"

Ranma just.. blinked. And blinked again. When he finally responded, it was with both conviction and no little volume.

"I ain't gay!"

"You aren't?"

"**NO!**"

"Okay, okay.. sorry.. I just kinda figured that with you not getting it on with any of your girls.. and the whole 'I'm not that way.' thing.. that you know, with the curse and all, you'd found something you were more into."

After he sorted out what Mara had said, Ranma became even more agitated. He leaped from the couch and stood in front of where Mara sat, and blew his lid.

"Aww, hell no! No way am I into guys, and I sure as hell ain't doing nothin with them in my girl form! S'bad enough that some of em come on to me, or ask me what it's like an' insist I musta given it a shot!"

Abashed, Mara did her best to diffuse the situation by changing the topic.

"Okay.. I'm sorry.. I obviously jumped to the wrong conclusion.. but.. if it wasn't that, then what set Nodoka off?"

Ranma visibly deflated, his anger gone as quickly as it came. He plopped down onto the couch again, and replied in a rather grumpy tone.

"I really don't wanna talk about it."

Mara was by now more than a little interested, and was having none of that.

"Now, Ranma.. you know that we'll almost certainly have to deal with them again, and I'd much rather not make the situation worse through ignorance."

Ranma mulled that one over a bit, and while he wasn't at all happy with the idea of discussing the whole messed up affair, he couldn't find any holes in Mara's argument. He did remember one rather unfortunate fact, and immediately started to panic.

"Shit.. oh, shit! Akane's gonna kill me for sure."

"Uh, what?"

"When word gets out.. oh man.. I'm so doomed. Gonna get pancaked for sure!"

"Word of what?"

Ranma paused for a moment, but came to the conclusion that having already let the secret out, it was for the best. Besides, it hardly mattered what he said; he'd be roadkill tomorrow. Even so, he was more than a little hesitant in disclosing the secret he'd kept for the better part of a year.

"I told mom about, uh, how Akane has been sleepin with Ryoga."

Mara blinked, more than a little surprised.

_I certainly don't recall reading anything about that. Though I suppose it wasn't technically part of Ranma's life._

"What do you mean?"

"Well.. Ryoga's got a curse like mine.. an' he uses it ta sleep with Akane, an' has been fer months now. An' I didn't say nothin cuz it was kinda sorta my fault that Ryoga got cursed an' it wouldn't be right.. and the couple times I got pissed off enough to spit it out, somethin' got in the way."

"Wait a sec... you told her all this?"

"Well.. I told her that Ryoga was cursed like me, an' that Akane was takin' him to bed, then she got really really mad and kinda cut me off. After that, it was all 'dishonorable' this and 'unmanly' that."

"Well, yeah, but why'd you tell her?"

Ranma looked more than a little uncertain of the wisdom of the discussion, but continued.

"Well.. I figured I kinda had to put a stop to it somehow. An' I didn't know how ta do it, an' wanted some advice. Most of the people around here are either tryin' ta make me do somethin, or just don't give a damn about nothin, so I figured Mom might be able to help me put together how ta fix the problem honorable like."

Mara was surprised at first, and was now completely flabbergasted. She blurted out exactly what was in her head.

"But why Nodoka? You _had _to know that when she found out that one of your rivals had been humping your fiancee for months, and that you knew and did nothing about it, she'd take it badly!"

Ranma was more than a little taken aback.

"Whaddya mean? Ryoga an' Akane ain't doin that.. or at least, I'm pretty darned sure they ain't.. an besides, that's not what I said."

"But.. you just told me they were sleeping together."

"Well yeah, they are."

By now, Mara suspected what Ranma meant, and at the same time was putting together just what she thought Nodoka had heard.

_Un.. fucking.. believable. This one takes the cake for the absolute dumbest reason for suicide.. ever._

"Wait.. so.. when you say they were sleeping together, you mean _sleeping _sleeping.. not fucking?"

"Of course! Ryoga turns into this little piglet, an' Akane didn't know it was him and made him into a pet, an' she takes him to bed with her when he's not off lost somewhere. And do ya gotta be so vulgar about it?"

Hearing this, Mara couldn't stifle her laughter at the utter absurdity of the situation. Ranma was not amused.

"Whats so damned funny! It ain't like I want this, an' I've done everything I could to clue her in. I mean, she calls the little porker P-chan, an' I call Ryoga that all the time to piss him off, right in front of her too, an' Akane still don't get it!"

"What's so damned... ahahahahahahaha... I'm ... ahaha.. sorry, gimme a sec."

After a few more moments of partially stifled laughter, Mara managed to calm herself, and decided to clear up what appeared to be a significant and nearly fatal misunderstanding.

_This may be a classic, but I can't let it screw up the assignment. A pity, but oh well._

"Ranma, why do you think your mother was so angry at you?"

"Well.. it wasn't right for him to be sleeping in Akane's bed, an' I knew an' didn't say cuz of, ya know, the curse an' all. I'm pretty sure that's perverted or somethin."

Ranma was more than a little doubtful as he explained what he figured was his mother's rationale. There was something on the edge of his thoughts that he couldn't quite grasp, but he knew beyond all doubt that it was important. Mara was quick to clue him in.

"Ranma, I'm fairly certain your mother heard the same thing I heard -- that Akane and Ryoga were having sex. When you say people are sleeping together, that's generally what it means."

"B-but... there's no way.. but..."

While Ranma stammered out denials, he juggled the idea around in his head as rapidly as he could manage. It made no sense to him at all; the very idea that Akane and Ryoga were 'doing the nasty' was just a little too bizarre to wrap his mind around. But... he wasn't the one that was convinced, it was Nodoka.

Ranma took a deep breath, and tried to put together a question that was as crystal clear as he could make it.

"So.. I told my mom that Ryoga an' Akane were sleepin together, and ya think she thought that I said they were havin' an affair?"

"Well, pretty much. That _is _what you said, after all."

"The heck I did.. an' whaddya mean by 'pretty much'?"

"Think back. What _exactly _did you say to your mother?"

"Um.. that Ryoga has a curse like mine, an' that Akane was takin' him to bed in his cursed form."

Mara's smile widened, taking on a vaguely predatory cast.

"And what does that mean, taken literally?"

"Um.."

"That Ryoga was cursed to turn into a girl like you, and 'her' and Akane have been having hot lesbian sex, of course!"

Ranma blinkblinked. With no reply forthcoming, Mara decided to drive the point home. She stood, moved to face Ranma and assumed a rather stiff oratory pose, and spoke in a blatantly bad dramatic imitation of Nodoka.

"Oh, to think that Akane has been so utterly unsatisfied that she was forced to seek fulfillment in the arms of a woman. How unmanly my son must be!"

Ranma just... stared. Then he laughed.

It was not a happy or joyous laugh. More of a barking, wracking laugh. Staring at the window through which he had come, Ranma laughed harder and harder until he broke down into hacking coughs. Mara leaned over and waved a hand in front of his face to get his attention.

"Hey.. you okay?"

Ranma was slow to answer, still trying to catch his breath and break out of a series of painful coughs, but managed a short answer.

"Dunno."

Eventually, he caught his breath, and made his way over to the window, pausing to address Mara.

"Be back in a few."

With that, he hopped up onto the frame, spun himself out the window, and leaped straight up.

--------------------------

Landing on the roof, Ranma took a moment to scope out his new thinking spot. Unlike the roof of the Tendo's house, the apartment complex roof was flat with a handful of protrusions. The tarred roof itself didn't look particularly comfortable, but then, neither were the shingles he was used to. A large double chimney dominated the central area, with a couple pipes poking through here and there, presumably vents for the plumbing. The edging was only six inches or so high, with gaps here and there for runoff.

Walking the perimeter of the roof, Ranma took in the view. Which wasn't much, given the relative height of the surrounding buildings. To the north, west, and south, he had an excellent view of apartment complexes. The eastern vista was somewhat more open, and the glittering lights of the metro area were clearly visible to the southeast.

_Might make for some nice sunrises, I guess. And there's enough space up here to practice. Still ain't nearly as good as the back yard back home._

The thought reminded him of his current situation.

_Man, this is so messed up. I shoulda known it'd be somethin like this the way Mom was going on and on about me being dishonored, unmanned, and cuckolded.. whatever that means. Well.. heh.. guess I know what it means now. I think._

Shaking his head, Ranma made his way over to one of the chimneys and took a seat against it. The brick was warm against his back, but not unpleasantly so.

_So what'm I supposed to do now? I mean.. I got a place to crash at least.. an' its probably better than with the Amazons or Ukyo, who knows what'd happen if I hung out with one of them. Probly be world war three by the middle of the week. But tomorrow.. oh, right, I guess Akane won't kill me. Might not. If Mom doesn't start ranting about stuff an' give it away._

Ranma bit his lip. That was not a safe bet, not in the least.

_But still.. how come she was only angry at me? I mean.. I guess it'd be pretty pathetic if I knew Akane an' Ryoga were, um, doin the nasty, an' I didn't do nothin about it, even with her being my fiancee. But why didn't she say anything to Akane? She wasn't even treating her any different._

Ranma perked up a bit at that thought.

_Maybe she didn't really think that, an' was just really bent outta shape over the whole P-chan thing?_

Rolling the thought around a bit, he was forced to admit that it didn't feel right. The whole situation hadn't felt right, had seemed too blown out of proportion for what he'd said.

_As if I'd be that lucky. Heh, lucky me.. then she'd actually want me to commit seppuku, instead of just being mistaken about wanting me to. An' besides.. this just fits too well. Just like all the other stupid stuff that happens, it's one big screwup._

Agitated at the thought of his life, seemingly dominated by misunderstandings and misfortune, Ranma hopped to his feet, and began pacing the length of the roof.

_An' now.. lemme think about this. Pops is gonna be pissed, Mom is beyond pissed, old man Tendo is gonna be pissed cuz of what Mara said about me an' Akane bein' underage, Akane might be super pissed if she finds out about Ryoga.. Ukyo's probably gonna be pissed she didn't find out about the whole thing an' blame it on me. Unless.._

Ranma stopped for a moment, unsettled by the thought. Could Ucchan have known about his following through with the seppuku pledge and done nothing? Maybe not even cared enough to stop by the way Kuno had? The pause was short, and he continued his pacing, a somewhat happier expression on his face.

_Nah, no way. If she knew, Ucchan woulda been by for sure. Her an' Konatsu together ain't nothin' to sneeze at, an' she sure as heck woulda at least stopped by to say goodbye, if not to do somethin' else._

Ranma bit his lip at that thought. The last 'something else', at the crashed wedding, had been rather unpleasant.

_Oh, whatever. Just assume everybody is gonna be pissed off at me for some reason or other an' I've got all bases covered._

The thought both irritated and relieved him. While he sometimes felt like a marked man, at least he pretty much knew where he stood. And any challenge he could face head on wasn't a problem.

_Well.. except for this place an' that stupid contract. I'll bet Pops actually did it.. I mean, no way he'd get someone like Mom to marry him the normal way. Whatever the normal way is.. the way things are goin for me sure as heck ain't normal._

For a moment he wondered if he should be angry at Genma on behalf of his mother, before shrugging it off.

_Nah, thats between 'em. An' besides, I don't really know if any of that's for real. Not like Pops will be any help there, whether or not he did it, the answer would probly be the same._

Not having come to any useful conclusions, Ranma gave up on deep thinking and decided for some stargazing instead. Which didn't work all that well; even lying on his back, the brightness of Tokyo lit up the sky and drowned out most of the stars. Only a couple dozen wavering pinpricks of light decorated the sky.

Still.. it was better than thinking about stuff. Staring up at the sky brought Ranma back to better times, when things were less complex.. when it was just him, Genma, and the art.

_An' some really stupid training methods, but oh well. It was worth it. I'm the best._

Comforted by that thought, he relaxed, eventually dozing off for an indeterminate amount of time.

"Hey kid, whatcha up to?"

"Huh? Wha?"

Still drowsy, Ranma was taken entirely off guard when he woke up to see Mara standing over him. While he was quick in leaping to his feet, blinking his eyes as he stood, it was with the sobering realization that had she been someone like Taro, he'd be in a whole world of hurt.

_Why didn't I.. oh, yeah. don't feel nothin. Damn, that isn't any good, 'specially if she's some sorta demon. Gotta get that figured out soon._

"Um.. taking a nap?"

"Obviously."

"So.. what're you doing up here?"

"Oh, just checking in. Making sure you don't go and do something stupid like take a dive."

Ranma frowned at that.

"Why bother, it's only like what.. forty-five, fifty feet maybe? I can take a fall like that no problem! Heck, the tomboy's belted me higher'n that a bunch of times."

"That's not.. never mind."

Mara shook her head, a bemused smile making its way onto her face. Apparently the capacity for misunderstanding went both ways. Which could be both convenient or not, depending on the situation. And speaking of situations...

"I'm glad to see you're still here, and not run off to the Tendo's to _try_ and clear things up."

The accent on the word 'try' was heavy enough to sink a ship, but Ranma missed it, his thoughts elsewhere. Halfway through the sentence, his face had taken on a concerned and slightly puzzled cast.

_Huh. that's a good question.. why'm I still here when half this stupid mess could be done with already?_

He immediately ran through how things would go at the Tendo's. He'd come home, get Nodoka alone out in the dojo or something, explain what really happened and how it was a situation where doing nothing was the closest thing to the right thing he could do. Nodoka would tearfully forgive him for the misunderstanding and for even implying that he'd allow another man to infringe on his territory, and sobbingly hug him.

Mara stared as Ranma stared off into space, eyes unfocused, with a wince on his face a few seconds later.

_That ain't feel right.. gotta be more to it.._

With a crashing sound, the door would give way with Nabiki, Kasumi, Genma, and Soun toppling forward, having lost their balance eavesdropping. Quickly to be forced out of the way by an explosion of pure unadulterated rage as Akane would stomp right through them, eyes and aura a deep crimson, mallet held high to end his life once and for all.

Ranma cocked his head to one side as if in thought, before answering Mara's query.

"Nah, it can wait."

_An' maybe I can figure out some way that ain't involve Akane pounding me into pudding._

Mara's first attempt at a response was superseded by a yawn, which she belatedly covered with one hand.

"Well. Sounds like it's time for me to hit the sack."

"Yeah, I guess it's kinda... late."

Mara had vanished mid-sentence.

"Damn.. I gotta figure that one out fer sure."

_If I could do that, and that water thing.. how sweet would that be? Never get splashed again.. an' _damn _would that be nasty in a fight with Ryoga or Mousse. I mean.. not like a duel or nothin, but it'd be nice to have an out when they just pop up an' attack me for no good reason. Or I could just tele-whatsis away..._

A light breeze ruffled his shirt and hair, the slightly chilly wind interrupting his thought process and reminding him that the night was getting on. Still pondering the possible applications of as-yet-to-be-learned techniques, Ranma walked over to the edge of the roof and hopped off, caught a window sill nearly twenty feet later, and flipped himself in through the window before closing it.

As he made for the bedroom, Ranma bumped shoulders with Mara, who had been fiddling with the TV, and was reminded of a question he'd meant to ask earlier.

"Uh, Mara?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it really, ya know, okay for us to be sleepin' together?"

Mara stopped, turned, cocked her head to one side, and for a good twenty seconds looked Ranma up and down. Finally, when he was on the verge of speaking again, she responded.

"I'm gonna have to go with a 'yes' on this one."

Having discussed this earlier, Ranma was quick to get the message, and immediately stepped back waving his hands in defense.

"Nonononono... thats not what I meant!"

Mara pouted.

"Tease."

"Whaddya.. never mind, I meant ta say, I mean, that, uh.. is it okay for us to be, ya know, sharing a room?"

Mara put her hands on her hips, an exasperated expression on her face. She then turned and walked past Ranma, down the hall and into the bedroom, speaking all the while.

"What is this, Utah? Never mind. My coffin is on the left, your futon is on the right, and if for some reason this arrangement is not acceptable to you, the couch is out there. Wuss."

Ranma, who was for a fraction of a second perfectly happy settling for the couch, bristled at the insult and instead followed Mara into the bedroom. Which was, in fact, exactly as she had described it. A coffin on the left, cover off to the side, a futon with sheets already in place on the right, and a low table in between with a lamp and the Hard Throb (tm) Sexual Device on it.

As Ranma moved to his futon and took a seat, he was a little surprised by just how much give the 'futon' had. He moved a bit, and found that it actually _bounced_, most atypical for a futon. While that was hardly that odd for other sorts of bedding, Ranma wasn't sure quite what it meant. In a worst case, it could be some sort of trap set by Kodachi, which merited a certain amount of caution.

"Uh, Mara?"

"Yeah?"

"What's the deal with this, uh.."

With Mara facing him, he bounced a couple times on the futon to demonstrate its rather odd properties.

"Oh, it's foam core. If it really sucks or something, I can conjure up something better tomorrow.."

"Oh, never mind.. just wanted to make sure it wasn't.. um.. never mind."

With that question answered, Ranma's eyes moved from Mara back toward his bed, but were intercepted along the way by an item on the table. He couldn't help but stare at it. He was pretty sure what the veiny phallic rubber contraption was, but he'd never seen one up close.. always in porno mags that Daisuke insisted on showing him at lunch.

Ranma frowned, feeling vaguely offended. It was bigger than he was.

"You can borrow it if you want."

Ranma cringed, realizing he'd been caught staring at something perverted. No doubt justice would be meted out within seconds, but the optimist in him figured he should at least try to enact countermeasures. Adopting his typical arm-waving defensive position, he spoke.

"WhaddyameanborrowwhatIwasn'tlookingatanythingIswear!"

"Rrrrrrrrrrright. Like I said, you can borrow it if you want. All I ask is that you clean it when you're done, leave it where you found it, and if you run the batteries out have the decency to replace them, okay?"

Surprised, but quick on the uptake that he'd somehow gotten out of this one, Ranma offered up the expected answer.

"Uh.. okay."

Mara left the room, apparently to turn off the rest of the lights in the apartment judging by the dimming illumination from the door. As quickly as he could manage, Ranma shucked his clothes and piled them at the foot of his futon, before getting under covers. Thankfully he was done before she returned to close the bedroom door and click off the table lamp.

The sound of wood sliding on wood indicated the apparent closure of the coffin, before it stopped and Mara spoke.

"Good night, Ranma."

"...g'night, Mara."

The cover slid into position with a soft thud, leaving Ranma's breathing as the only sound in the darkness.

Ranma wiggled around for a while, trying to find a comfortable position on the unusually squishy bedding, before finding one and settling down. While the way the bed gave beneath his body was definitely a bit on the odd side, he had to admit it was kind of nice once he found the right posture.

_An' it beats the heck outta dirt, thats for sure._

Exhausted by the day's events and still somewhat groggy from his nap, Ranma had little trouble dozing off. His last coherent thought was a hope that he wouldn't dream about any of the crap he'd dealt with today.

--------------------------

He would be disappointed. As they often were, Ranma's dreams were a melange of his most miserable experiences, greatest fears, and the lowlights of the day. On this night, he had plenty to draw from for the third category, but that didn't keep the regulars from making an appearance.

Tatewaki Kuno with him in the bath, being female despite the steaming water around them. Swimming the seemingly endless distance toward the side of the tub as Kuno reached out for him, growing to monstrous proportions, spouting bad poetry and promises of eternal love all the while.

Kuno shifting, turning into Sanzenin, then Taro, and finally Herb.. before all of them were there, surrounding him, reaching out to grab him up, with nowhere left to run.

His assailant, seemingly all of them in one, shifting into Kodachi. A bouquet of flowers shoved in his face, and he couldn't even run anymore. He was helpless.

Lying paralyzed on the roof as first one, then another, then a whole swarm of c-c-c-monsters with their shining eyes and cruel claws climbed up. Coming towards him, flowing across the roof like a sea of terror until he could barely see anything around him and began falling, surrounded by their eyes.

Landing without impact on his knees, the short blade in his hands. Making the cuts with simultaneous relief and discomfort as he felt no pain, but rather a coldness and a wrongness; there wasn't supposed to be metal and air in there.

Nodoka staring at him with nothing in her eyes but contempt, yet somehow bringing down the Saotome honor sword towards his neck from behind him. The blade going through his neck and taking his masculinity with it. His life was over; he was a girl, now and forever, and knew beyond all doubt that there was nothing that could ever change this.

Standing at the altar, radiant in a lacy white monstrosity of a western wedding dress, Kuno beside her in a tuxedo. Kuno embracing her, kissing her, unable to fight back and unbearably unwilling to fight back.. because she was a girl, and this was what she was meant for.

Being carried towards her wedding bed, towards something she knew would be unspeakably revolting. Kuno or maybe Sanzenin laying her down, crawling over her, kissing her deeply as has his hand slid up her dress and --

"GYAAAaaaaaaah!"

Robbed of his dexterity by terror, Ranma fumbled with the sheets for seconds in the darkness, before finally throwing off the sweat soaked fabric and sitting up. His fear lessened somewhat as his hands discovered a lack of breasts, and more so as his surroundings began to register. A futon, not a bed.. boxers, not a dress... and the rest of the room, as he woke up all the way and remembered.

For several minutes he just sat there, breathing slowing to a normal rate, taking solace in the fact that he was in a pitch black room with a demon, rather than a honeymoon suite with a guy.

As Ranma calmed, though, the darkness began to get on his nerves. Not that he was afraid of it, certainly, just that he felt more like light just now. The idea of turning on the lamp was quickly nixed as that could result in Mara waking up, and he really didn't feel up to dealing with her crummy sense of humor. Instead he fumbled around for a bit, grabbed up his clothes, and left the room as quietly as he could manage, shutting the door behind him.

The hallway was dimly lit from the windows, but bright enough that Ranma's darkness adjusted eyes could easily make out the walls and doors. As he pulled on yesterday's robe, one problem became immediately clear: all his clothes were back at the Tendo's, along with the rest of his stuff.

"..crap."

Ranma didn't think much of going to school in the robe; it would attract all sorts of attention, and he was likely to face all sorts of crap even without cluing the entire school in to what almost happened yesterday. On the other hand, he really didn't want to stop off at the Tendo's place just to pick up clothes, and probably get dragged into one of the usual arguments. For several minutes, he weighed the pros and cons, before remembering something else: his backpack was among the the items left behind.

_Well, that settles it. If I show up without my books, Miss Hinako will zap me for sure, and I really don't wanna deal with that. I wonder what time it is..._

Ranma took a moment to look around for a timepiece, without much luck. The VCR and microwave both blinked 12:00, and there weren't any other immediately visible clocks. Lacking better options, the window provided a general idea: well before dawn. With a little luck, plenty of time.

After sliding the drapes aside, Ranma opened the window and hopped out.

Moments later, the bedroom door opened again, this time disgorging a disgruntled and angrily muttering Demon.

"...the fuck is he doing this early..."

She was quick to notice the parted drapes and open window, and massaged her forehead, irritation written on her face.

"Dammit."

With that, Mara stepped towards the window, fading from visibility until she was nowhere to be seen.

--------------------------

_Huh.. this is kinda nice._

Ranma was a little surprised just how nice it was to be walking down whole streets unmolested, no potential threats or feminine menaces yet awake to interrupt his trip. Relaxing just a fraction from his usual hyper-paranoid level of awareness he was in a significantly better position than usual to appreciate it. The calmness, and quiet approaching stillness, were something he had experienced precious little of in the last year.

On the other hand, it was kinda boring too.

The route home was easy enough to find. Ranma was pretty sure he'd been by the apartment building at least a couple times during one of his many strategic withdrawals, and even if he hadn't been by, it was only a few blocks total distance. Even at a leisurely pace, Ranma was soon almost there.. and feeling more and more apprehension about the visit.

_Bah.. it's before dawn.. no way any of 'em are up._

Or so he hoped.

_I really don't wanna deal with another mess like yesterdays for.. well.. ever, I guess._

Regardless of the feelings of trepidation, Ranma continued without slowing, until he was across the street from the Tendo compound and noticed something decidedly odd: a light was on. The guest room light, in fact.

_Awww man._

Ranma bit his lip, simultaneously irritated that somebody would be up at this hour just when he needed them to not be up, and curious as to why anybody would be awake in this hour. One less than pleasant reason occurred to him.

_Crap.. what if Mom is still makin' Pops go through with the pact?_

As much as the stupid panda pissed him off with all the crap that got dumped on his life, Ranma didn't want to see him dead. Well. No, not dead. Just really, really close to it.

_Kinda odd that he'd be doin' his vigil in the guest room, though._

After pondering the question a bit more, and coming up with no good explanation for the situation, Ranma decided to go with what he knew, and act. He quickly made his way across the street and to below the window, and leaped straight up, catching the sill. Pulling his eyes just high enough to observe the room, another mystery was placed before him -- there was nobody there. It was not a difficult mystery to solve, however; pulling himself just a bit higher gave him the angle to see Genma sprawled across his sleeping mat.

As Ranma observed the breathing, snoring, and hence obviously living form of his father, he only barely caught himself before sighing audibly in relief. Irritated at his near lapse in stealth, Ranma quickly slid the window open, flipped himself into the room, and made his way past his father to the dresser containing his clothes.

As he passed Genma, another mystery was solved. The smell of alcohol was noticeable even several feet away. In all likelihood, he'd stumbled into the room so drunk that he couldn't even manage to flip the light switch before passing out. His posture, lying across the mat rather than length-wise, corroborated the theory. Ranma just shook his head, and slid open the bottom drawer of the dresser.

Inside was a whole mess of stuff, among it his old traveling pack. Withdrawing it from the drawer without spilling the rest of the contents took a bit of doing, but was done soon enough, and Ranma proceeded to shovel his clothes from the drawers straight into the pack. He didn't really have that much in the way of clothes, so it all fit well enough. His school bag was over by the door where it'd last been deposited, and that too went in the pack, pushed down just a bit to compress the rest of the stuff and fit it all in, after which the drawstrings were pulled tight.

_More stuff'n I've ever had, and it still feels light._

Ranma flexed his arm, effortlessly moving the heavy traveling bag, and smiled as he considered how much stronger he was now than when he'd first seen this room. A quick inventory of the room didn't reveal anything else he wanted, Genma was still passed out drunk on the floor, and.. it was time for him to go.

Ranma was halfway out the window before he paused to consider something, a rather odd gut feeling, and pulled himself back in. Holding perfectly still for the better part of a minute, Ranma neither saw, smelled, heard, or sensed anyone other than Genma nearby. About to shrug it off and leave, a thought occurred to him.

_I'm really leavin.. like a friggin thief in the night, like all those times me an' Pops had to bug outta some place._

Ranma wasn't sure which bothered him more, the fact that he was leaving, or the means. It wasn't enough to change his mind, though, and as he left through the window, closing it after him, he tried to put it in perspective.

_Ain't like I'm leavin' for good or nothin, it's just for a while, until all this crap blows over. I'll be back soon enough, and get everything straightened out. It'll all work out sooner or later._

Buoyed by that thought, Ranma made his way back to the apartment with a bit more spring in his step than he'd come.

--------------------------

After he reached the apartment, Ranma tossed on his usual outfit and leaped to the roof. After a brief warm-up, he practiced. Perched on the edge of the roof of the somewhat taller building to the west, Mara watched.

_Suppose I can't blame him for fetching his stuff. Even if it was at four fucking a.m. in the morning._

As her internal griping over the early morning outing wound down to a dull roar, she paid closer attention to Ranma, who had after working through a series of forms begun sparring an invisible enemy. Or rather, an imaginary enemy. Mara's interest was piqued as after a short examination of Ranma's shadow boxing, an odd pattern emerged. Mara was no martial artist and certainly did not consider herself such, but she had more than sufficient comprehension of unarmed combat and the physics and biology involved to understand what was going on. Except for one part.

_What's he doing? Every few seconds he's breaking his moves for no good reason. Taking some pretty lousy positions too when he's already committed, just to.. oh. That makes sense._

The answer seemed awfully obvious as soon as it occurred to her. He was sparring against more than one imaginary opponent.

_One who's sticking up close and pursuing him when he backs away, and one who's stay away and doing something at range, looks like. Shooting at him? Or maybe throwing knives? Hmm.. knives, spikes, or some kind of improvised weapon by the look of it.. doubt he's dumb enough to try to catch a bullet._

Mara nodded approvingly. It was ever-so-slightly comforting that Ranma had either the good sense, or hard experience, to understand that fights were not necessarily one-on-one affairs. As so many martial arts types like to imagine.

_Moving pretty quick too, well above human norm. Using obstacles rather than just avoiding them. Seems to be displacing relative to his imaginary ranged enemy, and keeping the near one in the way as much as possible. Not bad, for a pretend fight. Gonna have to get a look at him in action. I wonder how he's fare against.. nah. Bad idea. Not conducive to his wellbeing._

Mara paused for a moment, a deeply violent fantasy making its way through her mind.

_Would be entertaining though. Maybe when this assignment's done..._

That thought brought something much less pleasant to mind.

_Stupid assignment. Stupid Ranma. Stupid Hild. Stupid Norns. Stupid Belldandy._

With nothing to distract her, Mara continued on in this vein, her blood pressure steadily increasing. Content, unaware of his audience, Ranma practiced his art through the rising of the sun.

--------------------------

As Ranma strode through the front gate onto the grounds of Furinkan High School, a young man in archaic blue garb stepped from behind a tree, faced him, and spoke.

"Halt!"

Ranma wasn't really surprised at the meeting. At least once a week on average, Kuno would greet him before school, challenge him for some reason or other, and consequently get his ass whooped. It was practically guaranteed that he'd receive such a challenge today, given his miraculous escape from what Kuno called justice. That didn't mean he liked it.

_Wish he coulda waited a day or two, I don't need to deal with this crap._

Regardless, he dealt; Ranma leaped onto the wall and made his way over to the challenger before turning to face him perhaps

"Hey, what's up Kuno?"

"Gladly shall I name the many crimes you have committed, but first, dismount yonder wall! It is unseemly for one such as you to address the Blue Thunder from greater height."

"C'mon up here and make me.. or are ya afraid ta?"

Naturally, Kuno ran and jumped on to the wall, turned to face Ranma, and attacked, all the while shouting.

"The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High fears nothing!"

Ranma was quick to evade, ducking the first diagonal slash, leaping the follow-up low sideways slash, and effortlessly sliding to the left and right of half a dozen thrusts. Kuno was unfazed and continued his assault. With a growl he executed a swift combination of jabs and slices, all of them cutting air, then moved into another, and another. After some twenty seconds of evading Kuno's attacks with no more than eighteen inches of wall to work with side-to-side, Ranma hopped back, then leaped high in the air, easily clearing Kuno and rotating hundred and eighty degrees mid flight to land facing him on the gatepost. He immediately employed one of the most important tenets of the Saotome style, and started making faces at his opponent.

"Biiiiiii-dah!"

Kuno was not amused.

"Trickery and deception may hide you from my righteous blade, but know this! The vengeance of heaven is slow but sure, and --"

"You sure got that slow part down!"

"Mock not the words of the Blue --"

"Blunder?"

Ranma's interjection was just loud enough to drown out the next word of Kuno's speech. Incensed, Kuno charged and brought forth one of his most puissant styles.

"I strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!"

Dozens of lightning fast thrusts were unleashed in the space of seconds. Ranma, however, had already vacated the premises and was perched on the post across the way, far enough to avoid the force of the compressed air Kuno's attack created. The near gatepost wasn't so lucky.

**clangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclangclang**

Only a fraction of the strikes hit metal, but it was more than enough to create an awful off-key ringing noise. The handful of bystanders who had drifted in the direction of the fighting, hoping for a bit of pre-class entertainment, immediately started complaining to each other. Kuno was less than thrilled; while his bokken was undamaged, his arms ached something fierce. Wanting a moment to rest them before once again engaging his foe, Kuno took up Ranma's previous position on the near gatepost, faced the onlookers, and orated.

"Know this, my fellow students: Saotome's foul sorcery once again threatens both the fair Akane Tendo and the plucky Pigtailed Girl. Word has reached me that he has mastered a new and fell art, and has called to his side a monstrous ally, one no doubt intended to oppose me in my righteous quest to free those he has enslaved."

As Kuno paused to take a breath, Ranma responded.

"What the heck are ya blathering about this time, Kuno? I sure as heck don't need any help to handle you!"

"Do you deny it, then?

Exasperated and without a clue as to what Kuno was ranting about, Ranma played along.

"Deny what?"

"The truth!"

"What truth, ya dumbass?"

Kuno let the insult pass, more interested in moving on to his grand accusation.

"That you have called forth a demon from the Stygian pits of Hell!"

Ranma didn't have an answer to that. Kuno pointed to him and continued.

"See! Even the wretched Saotome cannot deny the truth!"

_You gotta be kiddin me.. how the hell? Oh wait, I bet..._

Almost afraid to look, Ranma scanned the yard for Nabiki, and spotted her under a tree speaking with a handful of students he was pretty sure weren't any of her friends. Stuffing something in a pocket, unsurprisingly.

"No matter where you look, you shall not find support, fiend! Now that the truth of your corruption is known, surely the might of Furinkan High School will be brought to bear, and even the tremendous cowardice you demonstrated yestereve shall not shield you."

Stung, Ranma turned and immediately responded.

"Who're you callin a coward?"

"I call any who would renege on an honorable pact with their own flesh and blood a coward, coward!"

Ranma was puzzled for a moment, before he got it. Then he was steamed.

"The hell I did! I didn't go back on nothin! And I didn't summon no demon neither, she just came along; an' it wasn't like I asked her to."

For once, Kuno managed to pull off a bit of sarcasm.

"No doubt it was some great cosmic coincidence that brought such a creature to your doorstep with you nigh on your final hour."

"You... dammit! You think I'd actually --"

With a smirk, Kuno interrupted.

"I have always known that your villainy and cowardice know no bounds. Yesterday was merely proof."

Angered beyond words, Ranma jumped straight at Kuno, kicking out. Kuno was nowhere near fast enough to respond, but was not felled by the attack; unfocused, Ranma's aim was off and he managed only a glancing blow to Kuno's head, despite his target's lack of movement. Kuno was knocked off the post and fell hard on his butt, but was soon back on his feet and taunting Ranma once again.

"Hah! Your low cunning is no match fAUGH!"

Ranma didn't wait for him to finish; he hopped to within inches of Kuno, almost going to a crouch as he landed, then came up with a knee straight into Kuno's gut. With Kuno doubled over, Ranma hauled back, and punted him straight over the school building.

"An' don't come back!"

Ranma stared at the flying idiot until the school blocked his line of sight, with a hint of satisfaction in his demeanor.. until he remembered just whom he suspected provoked this morning's outburst. Thoroughly irritated, Ranma made his way across the yard to confront the troublemaker.

_Why's she always gotta go and start trouble.._

"Dammit Nabiki, why'd ya have to go and tell him that?"

Nabiki had watched him approach, and already had her answers ready. She replied with her usual faux innocence.

"Tell him what?"

"That I summoned Mara!"

"I didn't."

"Then why'd he go off on me about summoning a demon and stuff? It's not like he was there to know or nothin'."

Nabiki's response was immediate and a tad bit sarcastic.

"Why does he still believe that you and the Pigtailed Girl are different people?"

Ranma paused for a moment, reaching for some sort of comeback but failing to put anything together worth saying. As he paused, Nabiki continued.

"I didn't tell him anything but the truth, that the ceremony was interrupted by some woman claiming she was a demon. As soon as I said that, he went off on a rant and I couldn't get a word in edgewise. You know how he is."

_I guess.. it kinda make sense, but.._

Ranma frowned, but couldn't bring himself to dispute her statement. It was, after all, just like Kuno. He still wasn't thrilled.

"Still.. why'd ya hafta go and say anything? I mean you had to know he'd go and take it the wrong way!"

Nabiki played coy.

"Now, Ranma, you know a girl's gotta make ends meet..."

_Figures._

"Yeah, but --"

Whatever Ranma had planned to say was cut off as half a dozen of his male classmates grabbed him from behind and dragged him away from a bemused Nabiki. Caught off guard, it took Ranma a couple seconds to free himself.

"Hey! What's the big idea?"

The boys, Hiroshi and Daisuke among them, all talked at once. After a few seconds they realized that nobody was being understood and they all stopped, after which Daisuke took the initiative.

"C'mon, you gotta tell us, is it true you're shacked up with a demoness?"

Surprised and unsure where Daisuke was going with this, Ranma replied truthfully and did his best to make it clear that it wasn't his fault.

"Well, kinda... but it's just for now, and it's entirely my old man's --

He was cut off again as one after another, the boys bombarded him with questions.

"Is she hot?"  
"How big are her gazongas?"  
"What are her measurements?"  
"What's her name?"  
"Does she have horns?"  
"How much cleavage does she show?"  
"Have you seen her naked yet?"  
"What base have you gotten to?"  
"Does she have tentacles?"

At this last, the rest of the boys paused and looked at the speaker. He was unrepentant.

"Hey! It's not like the rest of you weren't thinking it."

_What the heck is wrong with these guys?_

More than a little irate at the barrage of hormone-driven questions, Ranma fired back at the most irritating of them.

"Tentacles? No way!"

It didn't do him much good.

"Wow, you got her clothes off already?"  
"Way to go, Saotome!"  
"Congrats man."  
"Is she shaved?"

_Dammit.._

"Whaddya mean? I ain't seen nothin!"

"Then how do you know she doesn't have tentacles?"

Growing increasingly exasperated with the questioning, and not a little worried at the risk any perverted discussion placed him in, Ranma prepared to shout them down and clear things up. Before he could, another joined the fray, this voice coming from behind him.

"Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanma!"

_Ack!_

Ranma cringed; he recognized the voice, and knew exactly what was gonna happen now. Regardless, he turned to face Akane, planning to take his punishment like a man. She had a few things to say first, though.

"Ranma, how could you! I spent all this time worrying about you, and now I find out that you're.. you're..."

Surprisingly, there was much more than anger in her voice and carriage. Hurt filled her words and was plain on her face.

"I didn't do nothin! Honest! I swear!"

Akane paused, but didn't seem particularly moved.

"You... you... pervert."

The word held less anger than it usually did, but far more contempt. Having said her part, Akane turned and joined the handful of stragglers making their way into the school. Ranma thought about stopping her and apologizing, but couldn't come up with anything good to say. He wasn't sure if he was relieved to not get clobbered; hits he could take, it was all that emotional stuff he had trouble dealing with.

_Oh man.. _

After watching her go, Ranma sighed, and addressed the sky.

"Why's this stuff always gotta happen to me?"

Without an answer, Ranma trudged his way into school, flinching as the bell announced his lateness.

--------------------------

It took a while, but Mara eventually finished cracking up. The first few minutes were comedy gold, but a good fifteen minutes of Ranma standing in a hallway holding buckets was sufficiently boring to calm her down. Suspecting nothing interesting would be happening for a while yet, Mara activated the picture-in-picture feature and left the Ranma-cam in the top left hand corner of the screen, tuning the main view to a TV talk show.

_Humans doing their best to embarrass each other on national television are always good for a laugh._

With the television providing a steady stream of background entertainment, Mara cracked open her copy of Ranma Saotome volume one.

--------------------------

A rather harried looking Ranma scooted around a corner and held absolutely still, back pressed against the wall, as he scanned his surroundings for potential threats. This pose was held for a good thirty seconds before he decided the coast was clear and almost fell into a sitting position, back still against the wall. Cradled protectively in his arms was a rectangular box made of black plastic, perhaps eight by ten inches, and two inches deep.

_This is insane! What the hell's wrong with these people!_

Rationally, he knew what was wrong with them. All the guys in his class just had to know about his new demoness slash guardian slash girlfriend. They had to know all sorts of stuff he had no business knowing, and weren't shy about asking, either. It was the first week after Ucchan showed up all over again.

_No way.. it's worse! I guess they figure if she ain't human it don't matter what they ask.. sure as hell matters to me, when they don't got the sense to ask it quietly.._

Which was, of course, a far greater problem. The guys asking the questions got glares and sharp words from the girls. Ranma, on the other hand, got a beatdown from Akane and a dozen or more offended girls who were apparently convinced it was all his fault.

_Heh.. not that Miss Hinako gave a damn.. she just zapped us all when the smoke cleared._

Ranma groaned. That had sucked, hardcore.

_And then 'Roshi had to go an' make that comment about a manage a somethin', an' start the whole thing over again._

At that moment, Ranma's stomach rumbled, breaking his concentration on the day's woes and reminding him of something far more important. Without delay he opened up his lunch box and dug in. It was simple fare, steamed rice with sliced pickles and four strips of battered and fried chicken, which was about the extent of his cooking prowess. The chicken was a bit on the soggy side, and it occurred to Ranma that he probably should have put something between it and the pickles. Regardless of the texture, the flavor wasn't too bad, and in no time he'd scarfed it all down.

_Not bad.. ain't that great I suppose, but it went down just fine. And it ain't comin' back up neither, which is more'n I can say about _some _people's food._

This thought reminded Ranma of something he was less than thrilled about, namely Akane's obvious displeasure with him.

_It isn't even my fault, either! I haven't said nothin', just tried to shut those idiots up, but it's like every time she walks by one of em's gotta go an' say somethin' especially stupid. Then she comes over all pissed off an' blames me for it._

Ranma tried really hard to see it from her perspective, but was coming up a bit short of a sensible explanation for it all. Then an idea occurred to him.

_Maybe it really is all just a misunderstanding.. I mean, I guess with all those guys talkin about perverted stuff, it'd be normal to think I was too, when they're always talkin' to me._

Ranma bit his lip, pondering what he'd have to do to clear things up.

_Well.. I could try to explain things to Akane, I guess.. it's lunch time, an' she's usually with Yuka and Sayuri by that tree in the front._

This strategy's probability of success felt awfully low. Unfortunately, his other options didn't seem much better.

_There's no point to just ignorin' it all.. I'll just get thumped again the next time one of those bozos pipes up. Then probably get drained too, an' I'm really sick of that. Besides, if I don't say nothin', Akane's just gonna get more an' more pissed, an' I'll catch it way worse later. Hmm.. maybe I should just get this outta the way._

It seemed like a pretty crummy idea, but it was the best he had. With a sigh, Ranma stood and made his way around the school to the front. Sure enough, Akane was eating with her friends under a tree. Feeling more than a little trepidation, Ranma made his way over. As he walked, Akane and her two friends got into a quickly whispered discussion, which ended with Yuka and Sayuri picking up their lunches and sliding around to the other side of the tree. Akane shot them an irritated glance, before facing Ranma when he stopped a few feet short of her, with a less than friendly expression on her face.

"Uh, hey Akane.."

"What is it now?"

"I, uh, er.. just wanted to, ya know.. because it wasn't my, er... well.."

_Dammit.. why's this always so hard?_

Already, Ranma was sweating bullets, and Akane's expression darkened with suspicion.

"Spit it out then. Is it something about that blonde-haired bimbo?"

"N-no way! I ain't done nothin' with her! That's what I wanted to say."

Akane was decidedly skeptical.

"Oh, really? That's sure not what it sounds like. I can't even walk by you without hearing you bragging about all sorts of disgusting things!"

"It ain't like that, it's all 'Roshi and Dai and the rest askin' about stuff."

"Hmph."

"Really! Name one thing I've said about Mara, I dare ya!"

_Hah, take that!_

"Well.."

"I ain't said nothin', have I?"

_Damn straight I ain't.._

"Give me a moment, I'm thinking."

She spent the better part of a minute pondering the days events, and as sure as she was that Ranma was being a perverted jerk like always, Akane couldn't pinpoint one particularly perverted comment. At least, not one she knew for sure had come from him.

"I... I guess maybe I overreacted a little."

_Gee, ya think?_

Ranma was about to agree with her, and tack a bit more on, but for once managed to keep his mouth shut. Abashed, Akane tried to figure out a way she could make up for the morning's unpleasantness, or at least change the subject, without actually apologizing. After a moment, a bright smile made it's way to her face.

"Oh, I know!"

Akane turned and opened up her backpack, dug around a bit, and produce a lunch box. With a smile, she presented it to Ranma.

"I wasn't sure if you'd have anything for lunch, so.. I made this for you."

_Ugh.. I'm doomed._

"That's really nice of ya, Akane.. I made myself one and already ate it though..."

Akane's expression hardened, and one of her eyebrows quivered ever so slightly.

".. but I can always go for seconds."

_Except when it's Akane's cooking._

Putting his best fake look of appreciation on his face, Ranma accepted the lunch box and opened it. It contained a thick layer of rice, several pieces of slightly charred fish, and a wide variety of poorly sculpted radishes and other vegetables.

_Uh oh.. It don't look too bad.._

Ranma took a sniff, again doing his best to fake appreciation for the lovely aroma such food ought to have. This was a dangerous maneuver; more than once his nose had been stung badly by caustic fumes. Unfortunately, his one attempted at wafting the smell over to his face, as the Chemistry teacher had instructed students to do with potentially odorous substances, had ended badly.

_Crap.. it smells pretty decent too. If it looks okay, an' it smells okay, it's gonna taste four times as bad for sure!_

As he broke out a pair of chopsticks and began examining the fish, as if looking for the choicest piece to begin with, Ranma's brain went into overdrive. Faced with a potentially lethal threat, he considered a wide variety of countermeasures by which he could avoid consuming Akane's cooking. Thrilled at first when Ranma looked to be eating, Akane's expression started to shift as seconds passed.

_Oh man, think quick. Gotta think quick! There's gotta be some way.. some way not to eat Akane's food.. what's a good reason to not eat somethin'.. good reason to not eat somethin' your fiancee -- that's it!_

Ranma licked his lips, looked Akane straight in the eyes, and went for it.

"It wouldn't be fair for me to eat all o' this food when I've already had a lunch. Why don't we share it?"

Akane blinked. It was a decidedly odd suggestion from Ranma, but she couldn't find fault with the sentiment, and nodded after a moment. The instant she consented, Ranma nabbed a glob of rice with his chopsticks and held right front of her face.

"Ladies first, of course!"

Akane actually smiled at that, impressed that Ranma had managed even a tiny bit of chivalry. She leaned forward a bit, and ate the rice. A fraction of a second later, Akane's eyes bugged out and the rest of her face froze. Ranma was a little relieved that he'd avoided eating it, but when Akane hadn't moved for five or six seconds, he grew worried.

"Uh.. Akane?"

**PPPPPPPTTTTTTTT**

Even Ranma's reflexes and speed weren't up to getting him out of the way of a wad of gooey particulate matter, most of which stuck on his right cheek. Disgusted, he wiped the stuff off and flicked it at the ground; while he did this, Akane was busy spitting repeatedly, desperately attempting to rid her mouth of a remarkably foul aftertaste. Eventually the both finished and faced each other. Akane spoke first.

"Oh.. I can't believe this! The rice must have gone bad on me. I'm sorry, Ranma..."

"Uh.. it's okay."

_Yeah right, I'm pretty damned sure rice don't go bad like that!_

"I'll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise!"

"Wow, Akane, that's -- "

_Ain't much of a way to make up, doin' the same thing ya did today.._

"And this time I'll make sure the rice isn't rancid."

"Yeah, I'll bet tomorrow it'll be rabid broccoli, or maybe overripe noodles."

Akane went from zero to apeshit in one point seven seconds.

"WHAT!"

_I said that out loud?_

"I.. uh.."

**WHAM!**

Akane threw a fierce uppercut at Ranma; despite the relative slowness of the attack compared to his own, or even Kuno's, it connected squarely on his chin. Such was the force of the blow that Ranma was lifted into the air and spun a full five hundred and forty degrees as he flew across the yard. His spin and movement were halted by a large Oak tree, which shuddered with the strength of the face-first upside-down impact.

"Jerk!"

Ranma managed to pick that word out of the ringing that drowned everything else out. For a while he just sort of stared at the bark, trying to figure out what was going on, until gravity won its fight with friction and pulled him in, head first. Time passed, a soft breeze wafted leaves by, and soon enough two sounds were heard.

**brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring**

"...un...cute..."

--------------------------

Mara snickered, but a smile never quite made it's way to her face. She'd long since finished her second and third readings of Niflheim's record of Ranma's life, and was now channel flipping between the Ranma-cam and a particularly entertaining Brazilian soap opera. Even the most amusing bits of violence and stupidity didn't amuse her the way they had hours ago.

_I'm starting to get a bad vibe about this._

--------------------------

When his last class ended, Ranma was quick to gather his things and leave the school promptly to avoid a repeat of the morning scene. In a matter of seconds he was out the window, across the yard, and out the gate.

Unfortunately for him, this was anticipated.

"Oh, Ranma, do you have a moment?"

Ranma cringed as he heard the words.

_I get crap from Kuno, from Akane, from Miss Hinako.. 'course it wouldn't be a complete day without Nabiki givin' me grief._

Almost afraid to, he turned to face Nabiki, who had been blocked from his view by the wall whose gate he'd just exited.

"Whaddya want with me, Nabiki?"

Nabiki pouted.

"Now Ranma, what sort of way is that to address family-to-be?"

"Heh! Some family.."

"I'm wounded, truly I am. Now, about payment for yesterday's --"

"What?"

"Yesterday's services, namely one explanation of what was going on. Fifteen hundred yen, plus five percent service charge, comes to fifteen hundred and seventy-five yen."

Nabiki held out her hand. Ranma drew in his breath to dispute the request, then exhaled heavily and slumped his shoulders. A quick search of his bookbag produced a wallet, from which was withdrawn a two thousand yen note, which he grudgingly handed over to Nabiki."

"I don't got any five hundreds or nothin', so.."

"That's quite alright, I'll count it towards today's payment."

"Okay, that's -- what? What payment?"

"Well, it seems the basics of your situation have gotten out -- "

"No thanks to you!"

Nabiki shrugged, and continued.

"... but the specifics of the contract Mara presented have not. Now, I can think of more than a few parties who might be interested to know it's contents. Out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to ask you first if you wanted it kept quiet."

"Uh.."

"After all, if someone like Happosai who's dealt with demons before found out, well..."

Nabiki let her voice trail off. She had no clue what the ramifications of such information would be, and didn't much care either. She was also quite certain that Ranma could think something up as long as she attached the name 'Happosai' to the situation.

_Ugh.. there's no knowin' what the old letch could get up to.._

Ranma had no clue either, but swallowed the claim hook line and sinker, convinced that anything involving Happosai pretty much had to end badly. Carefully watching Ranma's face, Nabiki saw his expression darken, and followed up with another angle.

"Not to mention what some people might have to say about Nodoka's, shall we say, specifications."

It took Ranma a moment to figure out just what Nabiki was referring to, but he actually blanched when he did.

"Five hundred."

Ranma, as usual, negotiated with all the grace of a three-legged elephant.

"That's it?"

"Per day."

"Hey!"

"This is sensitive information, and several parties already know it. If you want it kept quiet, well.."

"Uh..."

Ranma hesitated, loathe to lose his allowance so soon after acquiring it.

"Take it or leave it."

"Okay, okay.. but I don't got the, uh.. seventy five on me."

_C'mon, believe me, believe me.._

Nabiki smirked.

"That's okay, I'll get it from you tomorrow."

With that, she turned and began the walk home, soon followed by students exiting the gate. As several of Ranma's male classmates made their way over to him, he just stared after Nabiki, a forlorn look on his face.

_I just can't catch a break, can I?_

--------------------------

As she'd watched the days events, and assimilated all that she could of Ranma Saotome's life, Mara's emotions had run the gamut. His was a most amusing life, and Mara could not help but break down in laughter at some of what he'd experienced. Amusing as well were the events surrounding Ranma, and the wide array of nutters and freaks who entered and left his life with amazing regularity. After a while, however, the entertainment value waned, and Mara took a closer look at what was going on.

Her analysis provoked a far different emotion: anger.

_This is bullshit. Total, fucking, unadulterated bullshit._

Mara stalked up and down the apartment, desperately wanting to break something, and holding back only because she'd have to fix it herself if she did.

_I have nothing to work with. Absolutely nothing. He's a Gods-damned human punching bag. A big mouth for sure, and well trained in how to deal with simple conflicts, but no actual ego whatsoever. Give him a challenge or a death threat, and he'll respond like a good little boy... but anything else, and noooooooooooo! He gets fed shit all day, and when the day's over, he slurps down another gallon._

Mara didn't see a good solution to the problem, either. She'd complete her mission and bend Ranma to her will, that much was certain. But that wasn't the problem.

_Years, that's what it'll take. Unless I do something like wipe him clean, and that'd still be years just getting him to the point where he could function. Not to mention that it wouldn't be maintaining his oh-so-precious 'wellbeing'. And all the while I'm gonna have to cover his ass as the idiots around him take shot after shot after shot at him, because if one of them gets lucky, I'm sunk._

Tired of pacing, Mara came to a stop in the bedroom. The white robe Ranma had worn yesterday caught her eye, wadded up with his socks and undergarments at the foot of his futon. She eyed it hatefully, seriously considering setting it afire.

_He doesn't even enjoy it, either. At least, it didn't seem like it.. didn't look like he was getting off on the pain, or on being coerced. That, at least, would make sense. He just doesn't care all that much, and how am I gonna teach him a god damned thing without a foundation of self-preservation and self-worth?_

Mara knew what she'd have to do. She'd have to almost entirely re-train Ranma in how to live.

_Years! This assignment _must _be a punishment. Damn him, and damn Genma a thousand times for raising him this way._

More and more, her anger burned out into a miserable combination of resignation and disgust. Lacking the will even to pace, Mara flopped on the futon and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling.

_It's gotta be. I could be working to drive a Goddess back to Heaven, and instead I'll be playing psychiatrist slash nanny to this jumped-up ape. A dumb fucking semi-sentient wannabe that perceives less than half of existence._

Bagging on Ranma brought Mara a smidgen of relief, but not enough to noticeably change her outlook. Sitting up, her attention once again landed on Ranma's cast off clothes. Angry, irritated, and disgusted beyond words, Mara resolved to at least do _something_. She stood, took aim, and kicked the wad of cloth against the wall with sufficient force to send bits of plaster raining down on the inside of the wall. As the clothes bounced off the wall and fell to the ground, a piece of parchment came free of them, fluttering as it fell.

Mara stared at it for a moment, convinced it was mocking her, denying her the satisfaction she rightfully deserved for beating up Ranma's belongings. After a long moment of temptation to disintegrate the offending bit of parchment, curiosity won out and she walked over and picked it up.

As she read it, she wrinkled her brow, not quite certain what to make of the words. She recognized the parchment now, and the significance of the passage, but was not sure how to interpret it.

_This.. doesn't make sense. How can these be his 'last words'?_

Stumped, Mara walked to the bathroom still carrying the paper, faced the cabinet mirror, and spoke the words aloud.

"In both life and death, wings of mischance carry me, what a crock of shit."

She continued staring at the mirror for some time, puzzling over the words.

_So... what? He's bitter, obviously, but why? He seems content enough, even if he'd getting dumped on.._

Mara frowned.

_His life says one thing, but his last words say another. So. Why?_

Mara paced.

_They really can't be reconciled. Never mind how gauche it'd be to leave a poem like this behind, he just isn't unhappy or dissatisfied with life as far as I can tell, so why such bitter words? Maybe it's just a stupid prank or something. Or maybe it has some other meaning.. I know most of what has happened in his life, but I don't have a full script.. could be referring to something I don't know about._

Mara bit her lip.

_No, it's too clear cut. And writing something like this at the end, it has too much weight to dismiss. So. One of them is false.. the poem, or his life. Which is it? Is this poem a fake, perhaps?_

A request to Nidheg via Mara's palmtop confirmed that the words on this particular piece of paper were written by one Ranma Saotome less than twenty hours ago. Mara's pacing continued, faster now as she trying to fit the evidence into some sort of logical frame.

_The poem was written by Ranma, and suggests that he was deeply unhappy with the state of his life. However, while Ranma's life is unpleasant in many ways and involves a significant amount of unnecessary suffering, he has done absolutely nothing to change it, has never significantly opposed the forces which make it so, and has not even exhibited real unhappiness with his life. Sure, he floats the usual bitches and moans everybody does, but nothing of any significance._

"Hmmm..."

Mara stopped pacing in front of the television, where she grabbed up the remote. She promptly turned the TV on, then hit the rewind key, moving back to several minutes ago when Nabiki had been extorting money from Ranma. As she watched the encounter for a second time she paid close attention to Ranma, such close attention in fact that she counted the heartbeats on his throat.

This time around, she didn't miss the tightening of Ranma's jaw when Nabiki made her presence known, the way his hands tightened towards a fist when she named the sum he owed, or the ever-so-slight narrowing of his eyes when she mentioned his mother.

_Sloppy. Real fucking sloppy. That'll be the last time I split my attention between surveillance and daytime television._

Mara shook her head with disgust, and rewinded further to examine the lunchtime incident. Paying close attention, she noted the same body language.

_So. He obviously isn't thrilled with what's going on. That just leaves me with the other question.. what is the reason he doesn't say or do anything about it?_

For the first time in minutes, Mara smiled a wide, happy smile.

_Does it matter? None of them are good, and all of them are angles I can work. Whether it's ignorance, inertia, fear of those around him, or some sort of demented honor concept, I can use it._

Mara's smile grew even wider.

_He's surrounded by people who treat him like shit, up to his eyes in unreasonable expectations, and on some level he knows it. He has more than enough power to do something about it, if only he could be motivated to. How much pressure will it take, I wonder? I might not even have to apply any myself, if things continue as they have. There are lots of ways he could go about it, of course.._

Mara's smile at this point was positively brilliant.

_.. and I'll be right there to ensure he makes the right choices, ones that will set precedents to live by. Pick things he needs to be taught, link them to targets he can learn those lessons from, and move him in the right direction step by step._

Quite happy with the direction things seemed to be going in, Mara sat down on the couch, then levered her legs up onto it, sprawling across it's length.

_So. I work those angles, and simultaneously work the usual ones. Drive him away from the more positive influences in his life, or remove them myself where it really needs doing. Get him hooked up with peers likely to accept or even encourage my views. Engage him, get him talking, nudge him along.. it'll take some doing, certainly, but it's worked before. Hell, I won't even have to twist or remove any friends since he doesn't have any. Plenty of fiancees, though.._

As she considered Ranma's love life, or lack thereof, the smile turned to a smirk.

_All sorts of pressure from that direction, yet no relief. If I could get him in the sack.. hmm. The intimacy that would engender could be just the sort of leverage I'll need. Wouldn't mind the office sex either, I suppose._

Mara's enthusiasm dimmed a bit at that thought. Mortals were, after all, notoriously unskilled between the sheets.

_Whatever. At least the switch hitting will make for a bit of variety._

Filled with energy, mapping out the course she'd take in the coming weeks, Mara got up from the couch and paced, this time with a spring in her step. When she passed by the bathroom on the way back to the living room, she entered it and took a good long look in the mirror. Brimming over with confidence unfelt only minutes ago, Mara blew a kiss at the mirror, mentally aimed at Belldandy and the rest.

_I'll be back soon, just you wait! Victory _will _be mine._

_--------------------------_

Author's note: This is my first work of fanfiction, so I'd deeply appreciate any feedback readers have to offer. If something is good, or something sucks, please tell me why! The commentary and criticism I've received both here and on the Fukufics message board has helped a great deal -- thank you.

I'll address a couple questions raised in reviews. While I'm not really focusing on pairings in this story, I'll say straight up that it won't be RxA. Not only would it not fit the story, but I just plain don't like the pairing, because I don't think much of Akane. One of my goals in this story is to try to write her the way I see her without going overboard into outright demonization.

Concerning Mara, a couple things. She isn't a Demon in the D&D sense, consumed by sadism and simplistic in nature, but she is _not _a good person. Any influence she has will not likely be for the better, though it's certainly possible that Ranma could end up happier or more content as a result of becoming a worse person. Also, I'm going to try and avoid having too much in the way of Mara vs NWC conflict, because as per A!MG canon, any actual fight wouldn't be anywhere near sporting. Not to mention that I don't want Mara to completely steal the spotlight from Ranma.

In the next chapter, look for encounters of the Amazon kind, slight property damage, and a bit of the ole ultraviolence.


End file.
